Mariners Moose Tracks, 8/13/23: Félix Hernández, George Kirby, and Matt Olson

In Mariners news...

• Félix is the foremost expert on Félix Fashion, and he rated all these fits very fairly.

• It would be so easy to get lost in the sea of heart-warming, tear-jerking clips from last night’s Hall of Fame ceremony, but I have a tee time in 4 hours, so I’m picking my favorite moment, which was Adrián Beltré walking onto the field, turning Félix into an absolute puddle in the process. I think we all knew in our heart that Beltré would be there, but the fact that Félix clearly wasn’t expecting it made it so special.

• Any of you make a Félix’d joke in the comments, I’m going to come to your house and pour paint thinner on your siding.

• Cal Raleigh has beef with the AL East.

• Cade Marlowe’s City Connect cleats are HEAT!

• Juan Then will return...

Around the league...

• The Miguel Cabrera farewell tour continues with a very unique gift courtesy of the Boston Red Sox.

• Matt Olson refuses to let a pitcher hit more homeruns than him.

• The Braves traded for Nicky Lopez at the deadline and got Shohei Ohtani.

• I don’t want to come in here and dump on the A’s every week. I don’t think it’s fair that this team has been so comprehensively setup to fail. But you can’t let stuff like this happen, because then I have to dump on you for it, and I just got through talking about how much I don’t want to do that. I feel like the parent that’s always telling their kids, “I don’t like being the bad guy!” and the A’s are standing there looking at me thinking, “you keep saying you don’t want to be the bad guy but you sure do it an awful lot.” But it’s YOUR fault A’s! You’re doing this to me and I don’t like it! Stop it!

• We finally found the source of the “Cardinals Devil Magic!” It’s actually just “Mike Magic.” Mikgic, if you will. You won’t, obviously, that sounds incredibly stupid, but that’s what it is.

Nick’s pick...

• One cannot simply continue a rally while pondering the most complex questions of our time. Where did you come from? Where did you go? We may never know.