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Mariners flat again in snoozy loss to Yankees, 3-1

Nasty, brutish, but at least short

MLB: Seattle Mariners at New York Yankees
not pictured: Cole’s giant, red ass
Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

I’m gonna keep it real with you. We have a saying at LL to prevent burnout: “write the recap the game deserves.” However, tonight’s sleepy loss to the Yankees is going to get possibly even less than it deserves, because a) this is the third straight game I’ve recapped in a row; b) it’s my mom’s birthday tonight and I’d much rather spend time with her than think about this baseball team. So with apologies to the parts of this team that didn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty grapefruit spoon while watching this game, here’s an absolutely bare-bones recap, in case you were working and weren’t able to watch the game.

Offense can’t rectify Kirby’s early mistakes

It wasn’t realistic to expect a dominant performance from George Kirby for a second time in a row against the Yankees, when he delivered the Mariners from a series sweep with one of the best pitching performances of his young career, but Kirby did what he could to keep the team in it despite not having pinpoint command tonight. He battled for seven innings, striking out only four but getting out of jams, working his way around eight hits, the majority of which were bad-BABIP-luck grounders that found holes.

But Kirby wasn’t perfect tonight, and the Yankees were all over his fastball, jumping on it when it was anywhere near the plate. He didn’t make many mistakes, but the ones he made hurt: a fastball fat in the middle of the plate to Rizzo in the first inning for an RBI double that barely missed being a home run (Gleyber Torres was on board having floated a little single into shallow center on a 97 mph fastball); and the second mistake was even more disastrous: with Bader aboard via an aforementioned Stupid Ground Ball Single (SGBS), Kirby left a sinker in the middle of the plate that Billy McKinney was able to redirect into the right-center seats—not a cheapie, despite the short porch.

After that bumpy second inning, Kirby settled in, keeping the Yankees off the board by adjusting his pitch mix and throwing more off-speed, but by that point the damage was done—not that three runs in Yankee Stadium should be “damage,” but with this offense, it’s unfortunately an insurmountable-feeling lead.

Offense punchless yet again

Just as Kirby got better over the game, so too did Gerrit Cole, striking out his final five batters. Before that run, the Mariners had only struck out three times, as they tried to be more aggressive on Cole early in the count, which led to a lot of ground-ball outs and quick innings for Cole. I’m sick of talking about this offense. Here’s how the Mariners got their run: Ty France got hit by a pitch, and Jarred drove him in with a powerful double. Good for you, Jarred. Bad for you, everyone else.

J.P. out early

J.P. got all of two at-bats in this game before being lifted with what’s being called a “right shoulder contusion.” Not to be dramatic, but I hate this game and the circumstances in my life that led me to it.

A bright spot

Ty Adcock in relief of George Kirby was absolutely stellar in his inning, striking out GleyberTorres and Giancarlo Stanton and making them look very silly. Anthony Rizzo smartly grounded out on the first pitch to avoid similarly embarrassing himself.

Top of the lineup is a goose egg

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but tonight the 1-4 hitters went 0-for-everything. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

That’s enough for tonight I think. I’m going to go have a birthday gin with my mom, who has never done anything bad to me in my life other than raise me to be a fan of the Seattle Mariners. Cheers.