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33-34: Chart

noooooooo .500 ball come back

MLB: Miami Marlins at Seattle Mariners Steven Bisig-USA TODAY Sports

Marlins 4, Mariners 1

Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street: Andrés Muñoz, .050 WPA

Sean Barber, MLB “umpire”: WPA says this is Eugenio at -.118 WPA but you know who it actually is? It’s actually Sean Barber, who has been bad at his job for literally a decade.

Game thread comments of the day:

When the game is crummy but the comments are solid, we opt for several:

The accuracy, it hurts:

I can’t let a Chaucer/Billy Shakes reference go by and not stop to applaud:

Mentally I checked out of the game around the sixth and just spent time imagining this scenario instead: