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Mariners invite older brother to visit, get embarrassed, lose 7-3

Kings of the polite “Oh, I’m doing fine.”

Milwaukee Brewers v Seattle Mariners Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images

Hey, Milwaukee, buddy! Long time no see! What’s it been, like 54 years since you moved out? Listen, I know you’re big in to IPAs now and you go by “Brewer” and everything, but I’ve still got some stuff from your flying days if you wanna reminisce. Yeah, man, come on in. I’m sure you’ll love the place.

Oh, yeah just go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I know this is a new place and all, but it should still remind you of way back when. Nothing like that place you had. Man that pad was Sick.

So what all have you been up to since you left town?

Oh you won a pennant? That’s cool. I, um, I made the Wild Card last year, so that was pretty fun. Oh, yeah I heard about that. St. Louis really got you last year, huh. That sucks man, you’ll get ‘em next time.

Oh bathroom? No I don’t actually have one. I just kinda take my dumps wherever.

Oh, yeah it gets cold in here sometimes. What’s that? The roof? Yeah it’s on sometimes. It comes and goes.

Hey so listen, like I said, I love the whole “Brewer” thing you’ve got going on, so I stole bought you this cool new local beer I found. It’s called a TOOTBLAN. Here take it. It’s a gift.

What have I been up to? Not much, just hanging out with my friends, mostly.

Snacks? I don’t really have much, let me check the pantry. Oh hey, here’s a baguette I found the other week. Check this out.

Pretty cool right?

What’s that? The squeaking? Oh, yeah. That’s just a bat that’s taken up residence here. See he’s right over there. Just don’t worry about him and I’m sure you’ll be fine.

See, I told you he wouldn’t be a problem.

But, yeah, I don’t have too much going on right now. Just trying to vibe, you know?

But I’m not single! Yeah, I actually started seeing this guy last year. Oh he’s super cool, you’re gonna love him. Let me get him for you.

Yeah, he’s really cool. It’s like he’s the star of his own show.

Anyway, I can see you’ve got your own stuff going on, so I won’t keep you any longer tonight. Feel free to stop by tomorrow or the next day if you want to hang out some more. I’ve had a lot of fun tonight.

And as you can see, I’m doing great.