Planning the Mariners’ first home off-day

I don’t know if the MLB schedulers purposely mean to harm the Mariners, and for reasons of my own mental health, I cannot think too deeply about it. All that I know is we are basically into June and yet the Mariners are enjoying just their first at-home off day of the season, a brief respite between a disappointing A’s series and the Astros coming to town with their minds on the Mariners’ bodies and their bodies on the Mariners’ minds, although not in the cool for the summer, Demi Lovato sense, but more in the not-cool, curb-stomping sense. But! First we have this beautiful, at-home off day, on a Thursday, nonetheless, which is a fun day for being out and about. With so many new and new-er players exploring the beautiful region we are lucky to call home, I used everything I know about the current Mariners to design a perfect Seattle off-day for the team members.

Luis Torrens: Race to the Spa Day

One thing we know from Torrens’s Instagram feed is that he’s a huge Formula 1 racing fan. We don’t have any of that to offer here, but we can send him to Pacific Raceways in Kent for their One-Day High Performance Driving Experience and to stick around for some drag racing on the track. After all that excitement, it’s off to a spa for a deep tissue massage and restorative knee treatment, as Torrens has been charged with keeping the ball in front of him while catching some of the staff’s most slider-heavy/wilder pitchers in addition to wearing a couple particularly painful-looking foul balls. The day closes with a dinner of pabellón, Venezuela’s national dish, from Mojito in Lake City, to make LT feel right at home in the Emerald City.

Cal Raleigh: Seattle 101 Day

Cal’s day starts with a rousing hike of Snoqualmie Falls, then a tour of the waterfront and a ride on the Great Wheel, followed by a steak dinner at the Metropolitan Grill. Is this the most basic summer Seattle day ever designed? Yes. But Cal is a man of simple tastes, and seeing big-water-go-fast, capturing some iconic city views from a ferris wheel ride as gentle as the breeze coming in from the Outer Banks, and then tucking into some steak and potatoes at a Seattle landmark is about as simple and satisfying as it gets. Sometimes you just want to play the hits, even when you aren’t getting them.

Mike Ford: UW Lectures Day

Did you know Mike Ford went to Princeton? You probably did, because broadcasters literally cannot stop talking about it ever. What you might not know is he also went to The Hun School, one of the nation’s preeminent preparatory academies, where tuition can run about 45-50K per year, depending on a student’s age and housing situation. Ford wrote his thesis on the Dominican baseball pipeline, studying that and the international draft as part of his History degree. While there’s no baseball scholar scheduled to speak as part of UW’s public lecture series tomorrow, Ford could always take a stroll down to campus to recapture his college days; for some scholarly baseball content, he should also register for the Sports and History talk focusing on the labor movement in baseball for next Thursday, June 2—you can too! It’s free over Zoom! Just follow this link. Look, and it didn’t even cost you 50K.

Ty France: Gallomania Day

France would be a good candidate for the Seattle 101 day, but he’s been here for a while so we’ll assume he’s hit all the tourist highlights. Maybe Ty could really lean into the French connection, starting his day with some wine tasting up in Woodinville (traditional French varietals only, obvs), followed by dinner at L’Oursin, which, like France himself, gets the job done elegantly while still maintaining a little whimsy. For a nightcap, cocktails and French pop at Gainsbourg in Greenwood put the perfect touch on the day. Mais oui!

Adam Frazier: Peaceful Jeannette Day

Adam Frazier shares his hometown of Watskinville, GA with Jeannette Rankin, the first woman to serve in Congress and an outspoken advocate for peace over her whole, long life. To honor Jeannette Rankin and her legacy of peace, this day starts at Peace Park in the U-District, where Adam Frazier will place one perfectly folded crane at the base of the Sadako statue (while there is nothing indicating Frazier is adept at origami, it just feels like something he would be good at). After that he will travel to a bridge named for another Jeannette: Jeannette Williams, the longtime City Councilperson for whom the West Seattle Bridge is named (sadly he will only be able to gaze up at the bridge from the less-impressive lower bridge). Once upon the island of West Seattle, Frazier will enjoy a pleasant afternoon at the city’s best park, Lincoln Park, before a satisfying country supper of honey-smacked fried chicken at Endolyne Joe’s. Unfortunately, he will have to decide how much he will eat then and how much he will choose to carry back with him for the covered-wagon journey back to civilization. Caulk the wagon, Mike Ford the river.

J.P. Crawford: Day trip to Oregon Vortex

First of all, bless the Oregon Vortex and their website, which hasn’t been updated since the days of Angelfire. Secondly, this is clearly the spot to send J.P, who had already visited all the old tourist haunts in the state and will be looking for something new and exciting. A well-documented believer-in-aliens like J.P. should have a fine time at the Vortex, and on the way back the Long Beach native can visit Oregon’s beautiful beaches, maybe drive a dune buggy and blast some Rebelution.

Eugenio Suárez: Boat Vibes

Life is better on a boat, and the veteran has the cheese to hire a charter to provide an all-water tour of the city, from Lake Union to Lake Washington out to Puget Sound. Land is for suckers! For a taste of home, the boat will be well-stacked with arepas from Arepa Venezuelan Kitchen, along with good vibes.

Juliooooo: Mt. Rainier Day

Julio went and explored the Grand Canyon while tethered to the Mariners’ Arizona complex, so adventuring out to Mt. Tahoma shouldn’t be a big deal for him, as long as he’s bundled up warmly and sticks to the lower elevations. Can’t be risking 9/10ths of what makes the 2022 Mariners watchable, after all. For snacks, sandwiches from Bongos will have to do, although we mourn the closure of Manu’s Bodgea and general dearth of Dominican food in Seattle.

Jesse Winker, Robbie Ray, Marco Gonzales: Winery Tours Day

All three of these guys are Wine Guys, so let’s bundle them over to Woodinville for a day of winery tours and tastings, capped off by the full tasting menu at nationally-recognized PNW gem The Herbfarm. Hopefully they’ll all come back with matching bedazzled shirts that say things like “Everything Happens for a Riesling” and “You Had Me at Merlot.”

Logan Gilbert: Day Trip to the San Juans

Our own Florida Man will enjoy taking a little excursion up to the San Juans, the Northwest’s version of the Florida Keys. Gilbert recently got engaged on Mackinac Island, a historic, tiny island in upper Michigan that feels like something out of the turn of the last century, so he’ll probably appreciate the small-town vibe of the various islands, especially the vibrant arts community on Orcas. He’s also a fisherman, so he’ll have a chance to learn about some of our Northwest varieties of fish.

Penn Murfee: Downtown Seattle Day

Murfee loves the water—he and teammate Ian McKinney went for a polar bear dip in Chambers Bay when they first arrived in Tacoma—so he’ll start the morning out with some stand-up paddleboarding on Lake Union. With a solid appetite built up, it’s over to Sisters and Brothers where the Nashville native can get some Nashville hot chicken. Penn can then wash down the spice with beers and a view at Old Stove Brewing in the market, or for a smaller environment, wander over to Cloudburst Brewing, maybe while reading a book he picked up at one of the market’s various book stores. Finally, the guitar-playing Penn can end his day with Open Mic Night at the Towne Pub in Belltown, where he’s unlikely to be recognized as a pitcher for the Mariners but might find himself with a group of admirers anyway.

Paul Sewald: Dad Mode Day

Sewald, in addition to being a #1 teammate and a #1 person, is also a #1 Dad, so he’ll give up his off-day to take his little girl to the Seattle Aquarium, followed by a trip to the Woodland Park Zoo. We’ll let dad stop off and have a burger at Red Mill, of course, as he has to keep his strength up as he carries the burden of Mariners’ fans hopes, day in and day out. Meanwhile, the rest of the bullpen can take a re-set day at one of the various float therapy places in the Seattle area and hopefully use their time in the float tank to recharge both their bodies and minds, because eeesh. It has been rough. Here’s hoping everyone has a lovely, and well-deserved, off-day—players and fans alike.