Good morning, I’m exhausted, let’s do this:
In Mariners news:
- Congratulations to current Mariners farmhands and proud Canadians Brendan McGuigan and Ben Onyshko for being selected to Team Canada’s roster for the Palm Beach qualifier starting May 31. Former Mariner Andrew Albers (aka the “Little Maple”) will also be on the team. Mariners superprospect Julio Rodríguez will represent the DR at the same qualifiers.
- ICYMI, the Mariners traded RHP Domingo Tapia to the Royals for cash. Tapia, claimed off waivers in one of Seattle’s early off-season moves, had pitched 6.1 innings in Tacoma with a 3.11 FIP and six strikeouts against two walks. I have no idea why the bullpen-addled Mariners would give up a seemingly useful reliever they held on their 40-man all off-season for nothing, but okay.
- In more entertaining news, the Mariners signed INF Ty Kelly to a minor league deal. If you don’t know Ty Kelly from his MLB career or his previous stint as a Mariners farmhand, just know you’re in for a treat.
Shameless self-promotion alert: Ty Kelly was the subject of one of my favorite Short Relief pieces, when I brought my MFA skills to bear on analyzing a poem Ty wrote about David Wright. We love a crossover episode!
In former Mariners news:
- The Giants DFA’d recently-acquired former Mariner Braden Bishop in order to select LHP Scott Kazmir, who is old enough to have baby-sat a young Braden. Mamas, let your babies grow up to be lefty pitchers.
- Days after the Brewers acquired shortstop Willy Adames from Tampa Bay, the Nashville Sounds released Dee Strange-Gordon.
Around the League:
- Cardinals starter Miles Mikolas was removed from the game yesterday with the always ominous-sounding “forearm tightness.”
- The Rangers’ Kohei Arihara is having surgery for an “aneurysm” in his throwing shoulder. That sounds terrifying, but apparently it’s similar to TOS surgery, but less severe.
- Okay but hear me out:
Nelson Cruz, 40, projects to be one of the top rental bats on the @MLB trade market. The #Twins own the worst record in baseball. The #Rays are one team to watch. They have liked Cruz in the past as a free agent and rank 13th among 15 AL teams in OPS at DH. @MLBNetwork— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) May 23, 2021
You know how sometimes you do retail therapy when you’re having a crap day or week or existence? Somehow acquiring Nelson Cruz is the equivalent of retail therapy for me. We don’t need him, we should not pay the price to acquire him, but feel like shit, just want him back. This team was better but it was also so much more likable when it was squired about in the capable hands of Nelson Cruz. We miss you, Nelly.
Your Sunday bird content:
The account I saw this one was called “why you should have a duck” and I guess it’s so you can get in good with our eventual duck overlords and maybe secure yourself a good job in the new duck-run society? Because this is terrifying: