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This was the ideal 2021 Mariners game; you may not like it, but this is what their peak performance looks like

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What do you mean the bottom of the order doesn’t need to be a black hole?

MLB: Los Angeles Angels at Seattle Mariners
No home run for you!
Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Hey!

Uh, hey

Go M’s!

[pause]

[chuckle] Yeah, hey go M’s! How ‘bout that game tonight?

Right? Man, fuck Mike Trout.

Fuck Trout.

But seriously, the offense finally go up and did something. It was good to see Moore, Crawford and Murphy get it together at the bottom of the order.

No kidding! France has been amazing, but he was having a rough one tonight. We all do, know what I mean, but that’s why you gotta rely on your teammates to pick you up and they fiiiiiiinally did.

And did you catch Haggerty out in left?

[snort] You mean when he made an easy one at the wall and show-boated another one in the fifth?

Sproing!
Connor Donovan

Hey come on, don’t knock Hags. Dude’s got wheels!

Yeah but, like...we all know this isn’t the outfield they should be rolling with...

[sighs]

This team’ll kill ya

For real. My brother’s just dropped them completely now. He’s all-in on the Kraken, learning about penalty shots and all that crap. Says they’ve already showed him more love than the M’s and they don’t even have a team.

Think the M’s make a push for it this year?

I dunno. Not how they are now. Like, Drew Steckrider isn’t gonna fly in the playoffs, ya know? Even if he did go two scoreless and hitless tonight. Honestly the ‘pen’s just a buncha nobodies getting lucky right now, and they’d better shore it up soon. It’s not like their starters are gonna make it easy.

Seeeeriously. That ninth had me nervous, and they were up four. Flexen’s been a nice surprise in the rotation, but this just wasn’t his night. I couldn’t believe he needed 87 pitches to get through four. That four-seamer wouldn’t have fooled my uncle.

Good thing for Flex that Haggerty was out there tonight, huh?

The dude literally wears zero! He’s like fourth outfielder material on any real team.

They definitely have plenty of spots that could be upgraded, I’ll give you that.

Imagine if Stanton had been willing to spend literally any money this offseason...

[wistful sighs]

But hey, it’s Friday!

It’s Friday!

And the Mariners won!

Go M’s baby!

And they beat the Angels!

Hell yeah they beat the Angels!

[glasses clink]

(Author’s note: I really miss the casual baseball conversations with strangers, but thanks to all here who help approximate that vibe - especially on these Friday nights.)