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Anyone. Literally anyone.
Look at all these choices! So many! So many choices! So many choices with which to spend their large amounts of money!
Nelson Cruz (goodbye 2/2)
Marcell Ozuna
Trevor Bauer
Rick Porcello
Jackie Bradley Jr.
Jonathan Schoop
Kolten Wong
Justin Turner
Maikel Franco
Kevin Pillar
Mitch Moreland (do not do this)
Tyler Anderson
Brad Miller (hello)
Tyler Clippard
Trevor Rosenthal
Rich Hill
Jedd Gyorko
Jake McGee
Mike Fiers
Jason Kipnis
Brett Gardner (still no)
Alex Colomé (hello)
Brett Anderson
Tommy Hunter
Taijuan Walker (hello)
Mikey Ajeto
Jake Arrieta
Joakim Soria
Adam Duvall
Tommy Milone (hello)
Justin Wilson
Yadier Molina
Matthew Roberson
Trevor Cahill
Tyler Flowers
Oliver Pérez
Renato Núñez
Shane Greene
Chaz Roe
Grant Bronsdon
Ryan Tepera
James Paxton (hello)
Nick Tropeano
C.J. Cron
Blake Parker
Mark Melancon
Cam Bedrosian
Joe Doyle
Joe Panik
Cameron Maybin (hello)
Nomar Mazara
Aníbal Sánchez
Marwin Gonzalez
Jeremy Jeffress
Jordan Zimmermann
Jeff Mathis
Tyler Thornburg
Travis Shaw
Chasen Shreve
Sergio Romo
Ryan Braun
Eric Sanford
José Álvarez
Yusmeiro Petit
Edinson Vólquez
Homer Bailey
Jake Marisnick
Cole Hamels
René Rivera
Billy Hamilton
Connor Donovan
Juan Lagares
Tony Watson
Eduardo Núñez
Brad Peacock
Brian Goodwin
Andrew Romine (hello)
Mike Freeman (hello)
Todd Frazier
Tim Cantu
Caleb Joseph
Shin-Soo Choo
Derek Dietrich
Sam Freeman
Andrew Chafin (goodbye 2/2)
Jonathan Lucroy
Cory Gearrin (hello. Also no.)
Mike Montgomery (hello)
Kate Preusser
Matt Wieters
Asdrúbal Cabrera
Jake Odorizzi
Jorge Bonifacio
Brock Holt
Brad Boxberger
Chase De Jong (hello)
Jay Bruce (hello)
Amanda Lane
Albert Almora Jr.
Pedro Strop
Gio González
Keone Kela
Wade LeBlanc (goodbye 2/2)
Jordy Mercer
Kelvin Herrera
Logan Forsythe
Juan Nicasio (hello)
David Phelps (hello)
Isabelle Minasian
Phil Gosselin
AJ Ramos
Oliver Drake
Jared Hughes
Matt Shoemaker
Matt Kemp
Danny Santana
Nate Jones
Jake Lamb
Anders Jorstad
Yoshihisa Hirano
Logan Morrison (hello)
Sean Rodríguez
Ben Gamel (hello)
Bryan Shaw
Josh Phegley
Neil Walker
Steve Cishek (hello)
Brandon Kintzler
Travis Jankowski
Becca Weinberg
Greg Garcia
Yoenis Céspedes
Ken Giles
Chase Anderson
Andrew Triggs
Justin Grimm
Nick Vincent (hello)
Sean Doolittle (goodbye 2/2)
Dee Strange-Gordon (hello)
Matt Joyce
Adrianne Leary
Mike Foltynewicz
Brian Dozier
Edwin Encarnación (hello)
Eric Sogard
Jonathan Villar
Jarrod Dyson (hello)
Mike Kickham
Brandon Workman
T.J. McFarland
Tyler Naquin
Hector Rondón
Nick Markakis
Zack Godley
Zack Littell
Zach Gottschalk
Matt Harvey
Jeff Samardzija
Jon Jay
Matt Adams
Jesse Chavez
Ian Kennedy
Josh Reddick (no)
Tony Wolters
Heath Hembree
Robinson Chirinos
Julio Teheran
Chris Archer (goodbye 2/2)
Mike Leake (hello)
Yasiel Puig
Félix Hernández (hello)
Aaron Sanchez
David Robertson
Collin McHugh
Tyson Ross
Andrew Cashner
Zack Cozart
Chris Herrmann
Tony Cingrani
Bud Norris
Dan Otero
Fernando Abad
Russell Martin
Jed Lowrie
Francisco Liriano (goodbye 2/2)
Edwin Jackson
Clayton Richard
Daniel Descalso
Carlos González (hello)
Gerardo Parra
David Hernandez
Gordon Beckham (hello)
Melky Cabrera
Anthony Swarzak (hello)
Héctor Santiago
Brett Cecil
Steven Wright
Cody Allen
Mark Trumbo (hello no)
Spencer Patton (goodbye 2/2)
John Trupin