IT’S BA-ACK! After the gratifying popularity of last year’s Gift Guide, I decided to assemble another eclectic little collection of my online shopping faves. It was a dramatic* undertaking, filled with thrills, chills, daydreams about Kris Bryant, and a lockout of my very own,** but I have emerged victorious and clutching a hopefully-helpful list of Things You Can Buy. As always, I’ve tried to highlight small and independent sellers, local businesses, and a variety of price points, and I hope you find something on here that meets your needs. Have more suggestions? Please leave them in the comments to help your friends / bait your local Mariners gift guide writer with a bad late-night shopping habit.
*not very dramatic
**my security permissions expired
“Decent jokes on worthless cards, posted fresh daily.” I love checking Insta and finding a new Baseball Card Vandals post, as their weird and appealingly juvenile humor rarely disappoints. When you spot one you like, hop over to the site fast, because these one of a kind art pieces sell quick.
Look, none of us will ever be as cool as JP Crawford, but with this t-shirt, we can try. The design is available in other colorways too, if your giftee likes another team for some weird reason.
I’ve asked for this for Hanukkah, but if I don’t get it, I’m going to need to borrow it from one of you.
For a gift no one has to find a storage spot for, you can purchase a sponsorship for almost any page in The National Baseball Hall of Fame’s digital collection. Options range from the iconic - Ichiro’s 2004 batting gloves - to the quirky, such as this 2012 Seattle Mariners Compost Bucket. (As a bonus, that one comes with a lifetime supply of self-writing jokes.)
Know someone who is a proud “Believe” hipster? Wants to brag that they’re the Truest to the Blue? Grab this vintage top to give them the gift of showing off that they’ve been believing since 1995. [Ed note: If this one sells out, there are plenty more to be found on Etsy, although sometimes you might have to try creative spellings of “Mariners” for the non-True-To-the-Blue seller.]
Craving that baseball player look but don’t have baseball player money? Baublebar can hook you up with a necklace that will fool people on the bus and is cheap enough to replace in six months when the plating starts to wear off. If you want to go up a zero check out Culture Kings, which has a variety of chains available as well as pearls. (Because while we may not cheer for the Atlanta baseball team, we absolutely cheer for the erosion of toxic masculinity.)
What I hope for you is that you have someone in your life you’re comfortable gifting a very sexy baseball book to, even if that person is yourself. Already read it? Don’t worry, KD has written more. [Ed. note: if steamy baseball books are your thing, or a way you feel like you can lasso a non-baseball lover into your sport of choice, consider also checking out the Pitch Perfect series by Sierra Dean, who is a friend of the site and also writes about non-steamy baseball as well, so you know the actual baseball info comes correct. People think the vampires playing baseball was the most egregious part of baseball Twilight but no, it was Renee and her husband actually being able to afford a house in Florida on a 30-year-old minor-leaguer’s salary.]
They’re not really sorry, and they definitely won’t be in this softest of sweatshirts, fully customizable (both sport and color) and handmade with love by creator and author Nicole Falls.
Keeping score is a beautiful and highly tactile baseball tradition. Gift your favorite scorekeeper a little luxury with these cult-favorite pencils. The Blackwing “Audition Set” offers four different types to try; once the recipient has picked a favorite they get $10 off a 12-pack. You can also prioritize the element of surprise by gifting a quarterly subscription to Blackwing’s limited editions, which draw on inspirations from Bauhaus to surfing culture.
Well once they have all those cool pencils, they’re going to need somewhere to show them off. These carefully detailed beanies come in neon shades as well as more natural tones.
Hat tip for this one goes to my mom, who both clocked and delighted me when she sent this as a gift. There IS crying in baseball movies, dammit.
This richly illustrated, dual-language book tells detailed stories of the Latin experience in baseball across years, countries, and multiple genders. Thanks to its association with a Smithsonian exhibit of the same name, recipients can explore some story elements and exhibits in more detail online.
This little beauty is from Seattle artist and baseball nerd Zack Bolotin’s company Porchlight Design Co. I run into Zack at a Mariners game at least once a year and he always makes me smile. This ornament will too.
My main gripe with stadium clear bag policies is that they ruin my outfit, because I am vain as hell. Luckily, I’ve found a few options I can cope with. A structured bag with an elegant chain helps keep you from feeling sloppy, and with a customizable monogram you can really make it yours. (I mean theirs. Right, we’re shopping for OTHER people here.) Need something bigger? This tote easily holds a letter-sized scorebook plus snacks, and the subtle holographic finish adds a little flair while still being legal at the gate.
I’d never been particularly sad about my mediocre eyesight until I found out these iconic neon wraparounds don’t come in a prescription version. There are a few brands doing this look, but I like Blenders’ mix of trendy styles at a reasonable price point.
Was this shirt made for Mariners fans? Not OSTENSIBLY. But we’re adaptable people, used to making do with what we’ve got, and what we’ve got here is a link to purchase a shirt expressing a feeling that you KNOW every Mariners fan has felt before. [Ed. note: Also, if you’re feeling t-shirty and specifically Seattle sports t-shirty: a reminder that if you purchase a BreakingT shirt, we get a little commission from that, which goes to help out with the overhead of the site; use this link to support!)
If you love T-Mobile Park but magenta clashes with your office decor, this restrained blueprint of the ballpark is a nice way to rep your favorite place in the world while maintaining a professional environment (at least in your Zoom backgrounds. No one needs to know about your Mariners moose fuzzy slippers). You can order the print framed or unframed, as well as on canvas or metal, and it also comes as a blanket, t-shirt or hoodie, mug, or ornament. There are a bunch of other venues, too, if the in-law you drew for the gift swap likes another team or another sport, although in that case just give them a toaster and keep this nice print for yourself. And there’s a discount! Use code LOOKOUT for 10% off.
Maybe this is a feeling you have! Who’s to say!?? I know I wouldn’t judge. But YOU can - judge billionaires that is - when you purchase this cap from baseball podcast Tipping Pitches. Also available are “Unionize the Minors” t-shirts styled after a periodically-rotating set of MLB teams.
Jerry, I know you’re reading this.