[Blasting “What a Feeling”] and singing along at the top of my lungs:
Being a fan of the Seattle Mariners: Marco Gonzales, .471 WPA
Being a fan of the Houston Trashstros: Luis Torrens/Dylan Moore tie -.094 BUT we excuse both of them, Torrens because he caught Marco’s game and Dylan Moore because he was inexplicably, inexcusably hit in the head by another pitch tonight. Please stop hitting Dylan Moore’s handsome head with fastballs, controlless MLB pitchers. Purchase some control-top L’Eggs and hitch up your pantyhose and get it done, as my grandmother used to say.
Hooray hooray hooray!