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Lookout Landing Podcast 79: Drafting the best possible Mariner teams

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Matthew Roberson vs. Grant Bronsdon in a battle for hypothetical bragging rights

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BBA-INDIANS-MARINERS-CAMERON-HOMERUN Photo credit should read DAN LEVINE/AFP/Getty Images

In a very special episode of the Lookout Landing podcast, Matthew Roberson is joined by staff writer Grant Bronsdon (known lovingly as Bongos) to conduct an extremely scientific draft. The premise is fairly simple: fantasy draft the best individual seasons in Mariner history, with the only catch being you have to take someone for each position.

0:00-5:00 – Explaining the premise of this draft, which is not nearly as complicated as it sounds in writing. Basically, we’re drafting Mariner players from a specific season with the hopes of constructing the best possible team to win one hypothetical game. Bongos marvels at how bad the Mariners were for the entire 1980s and early 1990s. We debate the actual utility of rock vs. scissors in a real-life fight. The draft, for fairness reasons, is a serpentine draft. Shouts to All Fantasy Everything.

5:10-15:30 – Bongos begins the draft with an obvious first pick and also mixes in an unnecessary jab at the best player in franchise history. We marvel at the utter ridiculousness of a certain shortstop’s early career in Seattle and how dumb the world was before #ANALYTICS. Matthew’s first pick comes from the same year as Grant’s first pick, which hilariously, is a year in which the team did not make the playoffs. The third overall pick is the first player taken from the 21st century. We call Mariner legend Aaron Taylor by the wrong name, which is understandable.

15:35-31:45 – The first starting pitcher comes off the board. Just minutes later, Bongos wonders aloud if said pitcher was messing around with nefarious substances. Another session of marveling at an otherworldly performance from the mid-90s, which is basically a distillation of this entire goddamn organization. Then, naturally, we discuss cleft palates, the troops, Macklemore, and the glaring lack of bobbleheads depicting podcasters. An appreciation for Bret Boone’s plug and his early-2000s hair.

32:00-39:30 – With the legends mostly gone, we wade into the second tier of Mariner greats. Grant goes on a rant only to be proven objectively incorrect. After a brief break to talk about a devastating sickness plaguing the eastern seaboard, the boys bravely continue the draft and reminisce on sweeter times. The sweeter times, canonically, were absolutely not the 1970s.

39:45-57:35 – The first 80s guy is selected! There was an actual bright spot for this godforsaken team during that forgettable decade! Huzzah! That pick is subsequently followed by a pick from 2016, which spawns a discussion about shifting, stadiums, and other semantics. Bongos’ second base choice only reinforces his nostalgia for an era in the not-so-distant past. Bongos pits two devilishly handsome men against each other before, unsurprisingly, taking the younger one. What year is the best Félix year? Rest assured, Matthew makes the correct decision while Grant confuses the physical realm with the ephemeral. Perhaps the first surprise pick comes next…

57:45-1:14:00 – We stan anyone who secures the bag and then gets worse at their job. Same goes for the steady, unassuming aura surrounding John Olerud. That pick opens the door for another absolute banger out of Team Roberson, followed by a reliever that burrowed his way into all of our hearts, despite maybe not being as good as we thought. As the draft starts to wind down, Bongos bends the rules slightly, and while he wasn’t ultimately taken, Phil Bradley is praised heavily. The last big decision comes when Matthew has to pick a non-Rodriguez shortstop.

1:14:10-1:24:00 – Recap! We go through each team and remind you of the picks while also constructing batting orders. Whose team is better? Who did we snub? How would you have handled the first few rounds? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

Music: “Golden Days” by Whitney // “Glitter” by Tyler, the Creator

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