Mariners try to bash, get bashed instead, and call it an early night

The Mariners lost in Oakland earlier tonight. It was not an exciting game. Since the the team played the Athletics and I am a sucker for late 80’s/early 90’s nostalgia, here is a loose recap through the lens of the incredibly outlandish and absurd “The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience,” which just came out on Netflix yesterday (all images copyright Netflix/The Lonely Island).

In the first inning, Oakland’s Daniel Mengden threw a lot of pitches. Domingo Santana singled to shallow centerfield and Daniel Vogelbach scored from second because Mengden cut off the throw home from the cannon-armed Ramón Laureano for some inexplicable reason.

In the second inning, Shed Long stole his first MLB base!

The game goes on and the Mariners leave 8 runners on base through the first 3 innings.

Then comes the fourth inning, where the previous cruising Wade LeBlanc gives up a 3-run dinger to Matt Olson and then immediately a solo shot from Mark Canha to make it 4-1, Oakland.

In the bottom of the sixth, Cory Gearrin comes in and.....strikes out the side?

And then in the top of the seventh, Tim Beckham hits an RBI double to make it 4-2, Oakland.

But then in the bottom of the seventh, Marcus Semien steals second, the throw from Omar Narvaez goes wide, and Laureano scores to make it 5-2, Oakland.

After that, Stephen Piscotty hits a solo shot in the eighth inning to make 6-2, Oakland, and the Mariners load the bases in the ninth with two outs, but nothing exciting happens and the game is lost.

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The next two games are day games in Oakland at 1:07 PM, plan your weekends accordingly, folks.