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16-8: Chart

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another totally stress-free win in Anaheim

Seattle Mariners v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
when you’re a fancy homer-hitting boy
Photo by Victor Decolongon/Getty Images

A night of milestones: Dee Gordon’s 1,000th career hit, Albert Pujols tying Babe Ruth for fifth on the all-time RBIs list, the Mariners tying the 2000 St. Louis Cardinals for most home runs in the first 24 games of a season, Yusei Kikuchi’s first MLB win, me eating an entire can of salt-and-vinegar Pringles over the course of this game. That counts as unleavened bread, right?

Using your best reliever (Connor Sadzeck, I think?) in the highest-leverage situation: DEVARIS STRANGE GORDON, .106 WPA

WE LOVE YOU DEE

Who cares, you got the win anyway: Yusei Kikuchi, -.145 WPA

Dingers: FOUR!
Errors: ZERO!
Happiness: YES!
MOOD: