For some reason, nobody on the Mariners wore the number 2 from 1992 to 1998. Here are some theories about why they avoided it so hard:
- The number two is too binary, too caught up in black or white. Think about a number like 14. Wow, so many possibilities. Or what about 55? Don’t get me started on 55.
- Its shape is kinda weird, right? Lots of turns. Many places to get lost. Now you look at a number like 1, straight to the point. Or even better, 11. Straight to the point TWICE, like parallel escalators. You need to go this way? Take the left 1. Need to go that way? Take the right 1.
- During the early and mid-90s, everyone was obsessed with authenticity, and despised the concept of “selling out”. The number 2, as in, you can only arrive there by pairing up with something else, is a beacon of selling out. Fuck outta here, 2.
- Some people refer to poop as #2.
- There are so many better numbers.
All told, 20 players in the history of the Seattle Mariners have worn #2. Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to name all of them. The winner gets a Julio Cruz jersey.