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Mariners lose 6-1 to Baseball Cowboys

Texas wins possibly Adrián Beltré’s final home game

Seattle Mariners v Texas Rangers Photo by Richard Rodriguez/Getty Images

Today’s Mariner game followed an arc fitting of this season’s end: fairly dull, wholly forgettable, and before you even knew it, over with a Mariner loss. To be frank, I only watched about half of the game, making me just lucky enough to see Adrián Beltré leave the Texas field for what might be his final time.

Of course, turning the game on midway through also meant that I did not see the Mariners score, but did see the Rangers score six times. It was a dream come true. Seattle’s lone run came on a Guillermo Heredia double in his first plate appearance. That is an enjoyable sentence to type. This season has forced me to come to terms with the fact that Guillermo is probably not a good enough hitter to be an everyday MLB outfielder. If the dying embers of this season are the last time we see Guillermo in a full-time role, I want G Baby to know that I love him.

That third inning RBI gave the Mariners a 1-0 lead that aged like much of my Saturday nights, really strong beginning only to be unraveled quickly by a string of dumbness. Wade LeBlanc’s good fortune ended with a double-walk-double sequence that put Texas ahead and chased LeBlanc from the game. Nick Vincent then decided things weren’t quite terrible enough and allowed three straight singles. That was quite enough from him, and James Pazos relieved Vincent to induce a sacrifice fly. His brief yet ineffective role in Sunday’s game earns Vincent the “Bad Uber Driver” award. Your job was to take me home, man. Instead you made things worse, so much worse, in fact, that I had to change drivers. Zero stars.

(What kind of Uber driver do you think Nick Vincent would be? I imagine a very pleasant smelling car, probably has water bottles in the cup holders, maybe some gum. For some reason I also think the air conditioning would be on no matter what, he’d be playing ‘70s rock, and we’d have a fun little conversation that doesn’t drag on too long.)

One inning flipped the game from 1-0 Mariners to 4-1 Rangers, which all but cooked the M’s chances of winning. In the eighth inning the adults of the Mariners’ lineup tried to teach the youngins a lesson about perseverance and always doing your best work, or something. Jean and Robbie each tapped base hits to set up Nelson Cruz for a potential game-tying dinger, but the hulking slugger’s deep fly ball settled in Carlos Tocci’s glove rather than over the fence. Seeing the stars put forth such a good effort at the end of a meaningless game undoubtedly inspired Ryon Healy, who went full aggro on the ump after being called out on this pitch.

That stunted rally moved the Rangers’ win to the one-yard line, and Joey Gallo’s prodigious homer in the bottom of the inning punched it across the goal line. This was an extremely September baseball game, one that had a player getting a swan song while retirement rumors ran rampant, one that had five Mariner pitchers, and one that had a lot of guys who probably won’t be big-leaguers next year. I was hoping to be able to write one final happy recap of a captivating win, and instead the Mariners gave me this.

Seems about right.