Architecturally superior Mariners lose to Texas weather (and architecturally inferior Rangers)

[Author’s disclaimer: Shortly prior to the official end of the rain delay the author ingested a very pleasant cocktail of ibuprofen and muscle relaxers. She apologizes for any spelling, grammatical, or general comprehension problems within the piece. She does not apologize for the quality of this baseball game, because she is trying to stop apologizing for things that she has no control over.]

Huh.

It was just seven minutes of Mariners baseball, but that was more than enough to really satisfy the palette tonight. The best game analysis I can offer you comes in two parts. Are you ready?

Step 1: Press play

Step 2: Press Play at the same time (or as best you can. Don’t worry, you can be a little off, sometimes these things are difficult). Make sure the sound is off this one, and on from Step 1.

The Mariners lost to the Texas Rangers 8-3 through seven innings. They stopped the game in the bottom half of the seventh with a runner at third with two outs. They might have scored more runs that inning. They might have scored more runs in the eighth, or the ninth. Maybe the Rangers would have scored more. Maybe no one would have scored, and the Texas Weather Deities knew that and thus spared us from two extra innings of mediocre baseball. But alas, like that person you crushed on in middle school who moved away before you could tell them your feelings, we’ll never know what could have been.

Although, you know, the game wasn’t a total...wash...