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Confessions, Pt. 34

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This gon’ be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do

Thank you Tee Miller for this outstanding art

For reference (listening to the song while reading this may help):

Without further ado, I now present to you: Confessions, Part 34.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Watch this

(Chorus)

These are my confessions

Just when I think Félix could have a good day

My king of the mound goes and gives five runs away

These are my confessions

When he throws, man, I don’t feel like I used to

I guess he’s gotta do more work in bullpen sessions

Woke my roommate up when I was yelling down the hall

“Feels real bad ev’ry time Félix takes the ball!”

I’m so torn, don’t want to hate 3-4 in blue

But his year is leading me to these confessions

******************************************************************************

(Verse 1)

Now this gon’ be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do

Got me dissin’ on the man who wears his hat slightly askew

Remember ’14? Every start Félix was feelin’ it, feelin’ it

Now it’s four years later and he’s losing it

First inning he gives up runs, we lose

Second inning I’m getting real sad, where is the booze?

Third inning’s me wishin’ that he’ll figure out what he did

But then they slap the ball around and say bye bye to his dominance

******************************************************************************

(Chorus)

These are my confessions

Just when I think Félix could have a good day

My king of the mound goes and gives five runs away

These are my confessions

When he throws, man, I don’t feel like I used to

I guess he’s gotta do more work in bullpen sessions

Woke my roommate up when I was yelling down the hall

“Feels real bad ev’ry time Félix takes the ball!”

I’m so torn, don’t want to hate 3-4 in blue

But his year is leading me to these confessions

******************************************************************************

(sexy Usher falsetto voice)

Divish’s news from Tuesday got me thinking back

When, where, and how did the righthander hurt his back?

DL stints aren’t easy

But he needs to start painting, pitch locating

Find his stuff and miss some bats with it (bats with it)

I’m lying to myself

Keep saying that he’s great

Checking his old film to put my mind in a good place

I OPEN UP FANGRAPHS AND WHAT I SEE DOES NOT PLEASE ME!

I said, “Please gain some velo! Please baby!”

******************************************************************************

(Chorus)

These are my confessions

Just when I think Félix could have a good day

My king of the mound goes and gives five runs away

These are my confessions

When he throws, man, I don’t feel like I used to

I guess he’s gotta do more work in bullpen sessions

Woke my roommate up when I was yelling down the hall

“Feels real bad ev’ry time Félix takes the ball!”

I’m so torn, don’t want to hate 3-4 in blue

But his year is leading me to these confessions

******************************************************************************

(sad, conversational Usher voice)

This by far is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had do to

To tell you, the pitcher I stan

That I’m thinking you might be a little washed now

I hope you can accept the fact that I’m fan enough to tell you this

And hopefully you won’t hold it against me

This ain’t about your career

This ain’t about just this year

It’s about us

Please

******************************************************************************

(Chorus)

These are my confessions

Just when I think Félix could have a good day

My king of the mound goes and gives five runs away

These are my confessions

When he throws, man, I don’t feel like I used to

I guess he’s gotta do more work in bullpen sessions

Woke my roommate up when I was yelling down the hall

“Feels real bad ev’ry time Félix takes the ball!”

I’m so torn, don’t want to hate 3-4 in blue

But his year is leading me to these confessions

******************************************************************************

(Grammys come pouring in)