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Mariners Neither Win Nor Lose

They have the law of conservation of mass on their side

MLB: Spring Training-Milwaukee Brewers at Seattle Mariners
still alive as of this writing
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

The final weekend of Spring Training is here. Soon the worrisome injuries of the practice games will become the worrisome injuries of the regular season. Soon there will be no more lowland snow flurries in the Northwest for many months. Soon there will be warmth. Soon there will be sunlight until nearly 9 PM. Soon there will be real disappointment. Soon there will be real elation. Soon $14 beers will be joyfully consumed. Soon peanut shells will fill the aisles. Soon it will be Opening Day. Soon.

Until then, there are three more Spring Training games. Here are the significant events of the fourth to last game of the spring.


  • Casey Lawrence had a fine little outing and solidified his standing as the new multiple-innings bullpen guy, non-Juan Nicasio category. Lawrence struck out the side in the bottom of the second, ending up with four strike-outs, five hits, and two earned runs.
  • Daniel Vogelbach launched his sixth home run of Spring Training. Obligatory #DamnDaniel reference, I see you Mariners social team:
  • Also, bring it back, Vogey:
  • The Mariners decided to try to win this game in the top of the eighth and went up 5-2 thanks to a two-run double by Danny Muno and a two-run dinger by Kirk Nieuwenhuis. The lead was undone in the bottom of the eighth by a three-run blast off Wyatt Mills and it was 5-5 going into the ninth. The Mariners failed to score in the top and before you knew it, we were hurtling toward a tie. That’s one point in the standings per NHL rules in the 1990’s.


  • The 710 radio ads that say “Get inside the Mariners anytime” over and over again on these delayed radio broadcasts. Phrasing, guys. Phrasing.
  • Taylor Motter got spiked in his glove hand by a sliding Juan Moncada, but stayed in the game after a visit from the trainer. Even with Gordan Beckham out of the picture, the hard fought battle for Utility Highlander is going down to the wire, suckers. There can be only one.
  • Always fun to be scrolling through Twitter and see a living legend who’s trying to get his groove back get drilled in the fucking head in a minor league game. Can we not do this, guys?

Thankfully, this video followed, in which Old Man Ichi laughs at the specter of death:

Viva Ichiro.

Tomorrow’s 6:40 PM game against the Cubs, which is the THIRD TO LAST SPRING TRAINING GAME, actually has some high(ish) stakes to it as Felix Hernandez takes the mound for the first time since the Comebacker of Doom. An okay to decent outing will surely guarantee his status as Opening Day starter. Go Felix and Go dang Mariners.