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If off-season moves were trick or treating options, this would be a miniature, plain Hershey

Orange socks! So festive of you, Orioles
Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

Ext. A dark and spooky Halloween night. Leaves blow across the sidewalk and trick or treaters gleefully shuffle from house to house. Up the block is a large, dark, decrepit Victorian house, built in 1901. It’s listed on the historical register, so no one has quite been able to tear it down yet. Everyone has steered clear of it on this eerie evening, save for one intrepid group of trick or treaters. They push open the creaking metal gate, and walk carefully up the crumbling steps of the front porch

* ding dong *

A person, dressed entirely in black, with a black mask over their face, opens the door. The group takes an uncertain step back. One of the group, dressed in running clothes, with a Parks Employee badge, is brave enough to speak up.

Trick or treat! What’s your costume?

Why, I’m a black hole.

Oh.

Now, I wasn’t expecting trick or treaters, so I don’t have any candy for you, but hmm...

The person disappears into the house, and can be heard yelling “John? JOHN!” The trick or treaters all look at each other worryingly. Soon, the person re-appears, dragging a speedy, 28-year-old outfielder with decent power behind him.

The person shoves the outfielder out the door and slams it shut. The group of trick or treaters shrug, then walk back down to the street.

Suddenly an enormous human draped in a sheet and toting a catcher’s mitt pops up from behind a tree.

Large ghost: Hey guys!

The group startles. One of them shrieks.

Large ghost: Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to scare y’all there. I was just out here all on my lonesome and I was just wondering if, well, I could maybe join you? There aren’t many ghosts in your group, so...

The trick or treater in the running clothes and Parks Employee badge turns towards his friend, dressed in a nurse’s scrubs and a brown wig with bangs.

Scott, what do you think?

Sure! Why not?