5:14 PM- Oh hey, there's a Mariners game on right now!
5:16 PM- Oh hey, I signed up to recap this Mariners game that's on right now!
5:45 PM- Hmm this seems...fine. Solo homers are fine when you have an offense like this...
6:26 PM- LEONYS MARTIN KILL MACHINE
6:50- Okay, okay, a two run deficit is totally doable. Just gotta get the bats to wake up a little bit, which I'm sure they'll do any...minute...now
7:08- Just another dumb thing about Texas, no roof on their stadium. Maybe this rain delay will be like the World Series Game 7 delay for the Cubs though.
~ Grocery shopping interlude~
7: 49- Nope.
8:30- Well this seems like a bummer game to recap, and I've had to recap a lot of bummer games this season- how could I make this one somewhat more interesting to readers? People like to giggle at their own ingenuity so...
The Seattle Mariners Baseball Game, as described by the Lookout Landing/Mariners Twitter community:
@eutimioc2 (aka imsorrydave): "they sure didn't do well tonight"
@wgwalton: *flagged for rude/incorrect content ("the Mariners offense tonight was like the Trader Joe's meringues. Look good until you dig into them and then strangely unsatisfying)
@TeeMil24 (aka TMiller24): * dancing hot dog with headphones gif *
@CFromBothell (aka Chris from Bothell): Quoting Wes "Are we sure this smoke is not from the takes on Twitter tonight?"
@RobertJGross: "Joey Gallo is Italian for 'three true outcomes'"
@BadNewsMariners: "I thought I was watching Dunkirk because all I saw were stranded men"
@AndreaMarie13: "I still won at the buffet * insert shrug emoji drawing that everyone but me learned how to do in middle school *
@TheIdiotGuru: "Rain delay offers rewarding reprieve from reality"
@itwastowkegs: "According to the rules, the team with the most runs after 9 innings win. Rangers have 5 and Mariners have 1. I guess the Rangers win"
@mrtommygman: * sad Eeyore bashing his head against a tree gif *
@stuartcox: "Miranda ignores good or is given bad advice. Batting order doesn't allow for momentum. It's a game that should have been won in all honesty."
@jtperks: "This was the kind of game that made me question why I even watch baseball because there's just no escaping the bitter listlessness and woe"
@k_olney: "Two weeks ago at this time we were 1.5 back of NYY and then lost 3 of 4 to them. Now 1.5 back of KC and get them for 4. Redemption."
@jeffrey_feff: "The final score left a foul Odor in my mouth"
@kennerdoloman (aka kennerdoloman, obviously): "Joey Gallo is stronk [sic]"
@harrison_wirth: "Felt more like Ariel the mermaid than Ariel Miranda at times"
@vanillaswisha: "Simply an off game. Bats weren't alive, Miranda was throwing meatballs, shit happens. Yankees and Royals lost tonight, only that matters."
@TryHarder94: "A haiku: Fastballs get hit hard/And they fly out of the yard/Dammit Mariners"
@KyleRancourt: "Ariel Miranda wanted to be part of your world but gave up too many dinglehoppers so instead he's a poor unfortunate soul"
@pairofclaws: "They couldn't get it together, even with [nature] giving them a time out so they could remember how bats work"
@Blazersrule88: Gallo murders baseball again Won't someone please think of the stitches?
@Highspeedhomer: "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains. Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad."
@jscukanec: "This is the kind of game that makes you think they're about to lose 4/5..."
@b_gladd: "'Trouble with the curve'"
@jacob__wilhelm: "I wasn't watching but it seemed bad. Winning would have been better I think but I'm no expert"
@BobbyPock1: "While we get smoked by the BC fires, the M's get smoked by the Rangers"
@joshhep3000: "'Two teams baseballed. Texas out-baseballed Seattle. The M's will try baseballing again tomorrow.'"
@lunchbox85: "Remember when the Mariners scored a run in the 1st? That was fun."
@TheCatGentleman: "The Mariners could not string enough hits to wrap around even the most Charlie Brown of Christmas trees"
@JeffreyAKGraham: "Raingers on our parade"
@coltonkiser_: "*fart noises, but positive fart noises in the right direction because of the series outcome*"
@EW406: "We Tried Making Up Ground In Races. We Tried."
@mkeitner (aka cascadian man): "I didn't watch a single pitch so I didn't waste any of my time on it so that's pretty neat"
@SadHulk: "I call him Aerial Miranda because he helps things fly long distances" *note: this one made me chuckle
@dhodgs: "There was a game today?"
@Sean_ESPN: "Why can't the M's capitalize on the slightest of momentum?"
@Jball_13: "It's over"
@samdonnelley: "I didn't bother to ask my wife to change the channel away from the Face-Off reruns"
@JohnRileyy: "There once was a man named Leonys. Leonys lived in a shoe. He lost the shoe, got in a bad mood, and sung at a ball in the dirt."
@thehamlawyer: "'I didn't watch, but some stuff happened and tomorrow some more stuff will happen"
brypot: "Soggy like a pitcher's arm"
aussie_chop: "A nightmare of Mariner's past..."
Goose: "This game was long and hard (to watch), like that phallic shaped object you bought at the grocery store" * insert tweet of a cucumber here *
There you have it, friends. Some optimism, some pessimism, a whole bunch of puns, and a cucumber. The Mariners head to Kansas City tomorrow to take on the Royals for a four game series with ~ Playoff Implications ~ if you're into that sort of thing.