FanPost

We're Talkin' SoftbaLL

Talkin' SoftbaLL

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On July 1st, 2017 on the now hallowed battlefield known as Lower Woodlands Field an epic struggle commenced.

While it has been chronicled with Pulitzer-caliber pieces that we've read, it has not yet been immortalized in song. Until now. I have uncovered archived footage of the event. It is clearly authentic seeing as the sound quality just is so bad, nobody would be dumb enough to fake that shit. The bard in question is greyhound / shepherd mix named Toblerone, and he says he hopes he didn't screw up names (everybody looks the same when you're a dog), or failed to include you if you were actually there. Here is the link to it. You either want to turn your volume up to hear it clearly, or hit mute because, yeah. (Opens in new window)

Talkin' SoftbaLL

Clearly a random hack job that plagiarizes the Simpson "Talkin SoftbaLL" which itself clearly plagiarizes "Willy, Mickey, and the Duke" (aka Talkin' Baseball), nevertheless, this remains the only version known to tackle Lookout Landing's vast amount of athletic talent.

The Lyrics:

The Bloggers had done it

The Landers they had won it

Brittney & Su snapped pictures all the while

Future talent was being born

A Jeff Gray jersey would be worn

And Lookout Landing’s offline gathering made us smile

We’re talkin’ SoftbaLL

There was Isabelle and Trupin

Talkin’ SoftbaLL

Chris in Left Field stoopin’

The Vagabond, Rockedfaces, and the Repp,

We met each other from the internet

Like Lookout Landing, Twitter, and the rest.

Well the cupcakes got eaten,

Without Conner we woulda been beaten

Down into a hypoglycemic funk.

We had Oliver the rookie,

A viking callin’ his bookie,

Or ordering pizza who knows which, that’s why we call him Drunk

We’re talkin SoftbaLL

The LLadies and the fellers

Talkin SoftbaLL

Zewerr and JJ Keller

The Journalist, the umpire, and the ghug

With Toby in the dugout giving hugs

But can you blame him, with all these shining mugs.

Now we’re all friends because Mariners

Boba Fett doffed the hat he usually wore

Richard the pitcher, Matt at bat, Peter turning two

Daniel’s last name I can’t spell-

How many R’s and L’s (two Rs two Ls oh well)

Well now a week has gone by

And though I am the song guy

My memory ain’t what it used to be

I know there’s many folks I missed

Or mixed up your name, hope you’re not pissed

But the folks who didn’t come are the ones in misery

They all missed SoftbaLL

The outfield and the inners

Talkin’ SoftbaLL

The losers and the winners

Though Kate was late she had to write instead

To keep the SB Nation monster fed.

Hey LookoutLanding, here’s the post-game spread.

We’re talking SoftbaLL

The defense was kinda iffy

Talkin’ SoftbaLL

Even with multiple Griffey’s

Neil and Joe set the record for infielders thin

Da dadadadadut had a great big grin

At Lookout Landing’s Softball for the win

Hope you've enjoyed this episode of "Ancient Aliens".

(Thanks, everyone. Let this be my last song parody. It's been fun).