On July 1st, 2017 on the now hallowed battlefield known as Lower Woodlands Field an epic struggle commenced.
While it has been chronicled with Pulitzer-caliber pieces that we've read, it has not yet been immortalized in song. Until now. I have uncovered archived footage of the event. It is clearly authentic seeing as the sound quality just is so bad, nobody would be dumb enough to fake that shit. The bard in question is greyhound / shepherd mix named Toblerone, and he says he hopes he didn't screw up names (everybody looks the same when you're a dog), or failed to include you if you were actually there. Here is the link to it. You either want to turn your volume up to hear it clearly, or hit mute because, yeah. (Opens in new window)
Clearly a random hack job that plagiarizes the Simpson "Talkin SoftbaLL" which itself clearly plagiarizes "Willy, Mickey, and the Duke" (aka Talkin' Baseball), nevertheless, this remains the only version known to tackle Lookout Landing's vast amount of athletic talent.
The Lyrics:
The Bloggers had done it
The Landers they had won it
Brittney & Su snapped pictures all the while
Future talent was being born
A Jeff Gray jersey would be worn
And Lookout Landing’s offline gathering made us smile
We’re talkin’ SoftbaLL
There was Isabelle and Trupin
Talkin’ SoftbaLL
Chris in Left Field stoopin’
The Vagabond, Rockedfaces, and the Repp,
We met each other from the internet
Like Lookout Landing, Twitter, and the rest.
Well the cupcakes got eaten,
Without Conner we woulda been beaten
Down into a hypoglycemic funk.
We had Oliver the rookie,
A viking callin’ his bookie,
Or ordering pizza who knows which, that’s why we call him Drunk
We’re talkin SoftbaLL
The LLadies and the fellers
Talkin SoftbaLL
Zewerr and JJ Keller
The Journalist, the umpire, and the ghug
With Toby in the dugout giving hugs
But can you blame him, with all these shining mugs.
Now we’re all friends because Mariners
Boba Fett doffed the hat he usually wore
Richard the pitcher, Matt at bat, Peter turning two
Daniel’s last name I can’t spell-
How many R’s and L’s (two Rs two Ls oh well)
Well now a week has gone by
And though I am the song guy
My memory ain’t what it used to be
I know there’s many folks I missed
Or mixed up your name, hope you’re not pissed
But the folks who didn’t come are the ones in misery
They all missed SoftbaLL
The outfield and the inners
Talkin’ SoftbaLL
The losers and the winners
Though Kate was late she had to write instead
To keep the SB Nation monster fed.
Hey LookoutLanding, here’s the post-game spread.
We’re talking SoftbaLL
The defense was kinda iffy
Talkin’ SoftbaLL
Even with multiple Griffey’s
Neil and Joe set the record for infielders thin
Da dadadadadut had a great big grin
At Lookout Landing’s Softball for the win
Hope you've enjoyed this episode of "Ancient Aliens".
(Thanks, everyone. Let this be my last song parody. It's been fun).