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Mariners declare atheism, refuse to save the Queens Court

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I do in fact have a phD in petty

MLB: New York Mets at Seattle Mariners
I looked for a picture of the Queen’s Court but there wasn’t one
Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Today the Seattle Mariners were better at baseball than the New York Mets. They may not be a better baseball team than the New York Mets, but today they were, and continued their march towards .500. Hooray!

Yovani Gallardo went 5.2 innings and... [checks notes]...outdueled Jacob DeGrom? That can’t be right. But no: Gallardo was effective with his pitches, getting lots of weak contact and commanding his pitches effectively. He finished his day just shy of six innings, allowing five hits and just one run while walking two and striking two batters out. Tony Zych came in to relieve him in the fifth and was wild to start, but settled down to close out the inning. Zep, Vincent, and Diaz closed things down. Things got a little hairy in the ninth with Diaz allowing a run, because Conforto gonna Conforto, but Diaz came back to strike out Asdrubal Cabrera to secure the win.

Meanwhile, DeGrom struggled. He was at 70 pitches already after the third and had lapses of control, such as when he HIT OUR PRECIOUS MITCH HANIGER IN THE FACE. Haniger had to leave the game and is now on the DL, and whoever has the Mitch Haniger voodoo doll, it’s like, enough already, okay? Anyway, so DeGrom rearranged Haniger’s face in the second, when Nelson Cruz had singled and Kyle Seager had doubled, so the bases were loaded, and then Jarrod "I love to hit in the clutch" Dyson hit a single to give the Mariners a 2-0 edge. The Mariners would smallball their way into another run in the third, and for today, that would be enough.

Today the Mets fans mobbed up at Safeco amd made the "Queens Court." They had K cards and t-shirts and everything and I got pretty mad about it, although everyone—including the friends I was at the game with—told me I shouldn’t be so mad. On the one hand I guess my reaction was outsize; I tend to listen to my friends and there was sun and beer, etc. But on the other hand, it sucked a little to see an opposing fan base invade Safeco and ape one of our most cherished traditions in our own house. I might have been wrong about my anger, but i was selfishly, gleefully glad about winning this game. And I’m super-excited to see the Maple Grove in action tomorrow. GOMS.