Mariners make Rockies look stupid in front of all their friends

The Mariners had some fun today, recording ten runs, nineteen hits, and four walks against Colorado Rockies pitching in a breezy 10-4 victory. The win was the third straight for Seattle, lifting them up to a 24-29 record and wickedly pulling the fan base back in after two weeks of brutal baseball.

The scoring started with a boom. After Nelson Cruz led off the second inning with a walk, Kyle Seager decided to pay tribute to the Rockies’ knockoff-Barney of a mascot by sending a dinger to the freaking exosphere:

It was a moonshot, but it wasn’t enough. Two batters later, Mike Zunino scorched a double down the line to score Guillermo Heredia. An inning later, Kyle Seager would drive in two more runs on a double off of Tyler Anderson, who left an 0-2 cutter exactly where one should leave an 0-2 cutter:

Guillermo Heredia would immediately follow with a RBI single to push the lead to 6-0.

Aside for a baserunner here and a baserunner there, the offense would stop there for three whole innings, returning in the seventh in the prettiest of ways: a Robinson Cano signature bat drop.

The Mariners would score their three final runs in the ninth, when they decided to be the first MLB team to ever host a promotion on the road by holding their very own Singles Night:

We’ve watched this offense scuffle in all kinds of ways over the last couple weeks. Tonight was fun. Tonight, Jean Segura had four hits. Tonight, Ben Gamel, Guillermo Heredia, and Seager all had three hits. Tonight, Zunino and Cano each had two hits. Tonight was good. They deserved tonight.

Let’s talk bullet points.

• Ariel Miranda wasn’t particularly sharp, finishing with a 7.42 xFIP and 5.03 FIP. Regardless, he managed to end his five-inning outing with just two runs surrendered on three hits and four walks. Miranda pitching in Coors Field is such a scary scenario, so I’ll take those five passable innings and be grateful. Keep on outperforming those peripherals, Ariel.
• Nelson Cruz left the game early with ‘calf tightness’. I’m assuming it was all precautionary, but given the Mariners injury luck I won’t be shocked if tomorrow it’s announced that he has two broken bones, a bruised hand, and in need of Tommy John surgery.
• At one point, Ariel Miranda stepped to the plate and put up a nine-pitch at-bat. He fought off several tough pitches and even worked the count full. It ended in a groundout, but it was remarkable all the same. Behold:

• Mike Zunino had two hits for the second-consecutive game. He also had a terrible at-bat in the ninth that involved him swinging and missing at three fastballs down the middle. An anomaly, that guy.
• At one point, Nolan Arenado took an impossibly difficult play involving a diving stop and the really, really, ridiculously fast Jarrod Dyson and made it look impossibly easy. If he wants to follow the path of Jeff Cirillo and come to Seattle, he is more than welcome.

The Mariners and Rockies now head back to Seattle for two games. JAMES PAXTON WILL BE ON THE HILL TOMORROW. YES, JAMES PAXTON, A REAL PITCHER WITH REAL STUFF.

It should be fun. Go Mariners.