Mariners drop third straight to Blue Jays, lose a pitcher in the process, what are runs, anyway?

Life coach and modern philosopher Kimmy Schmidt tells us anything is bearable in ten-second increments. You just have to get through ten seconds, and then another ten seconds, and then another ten seconds, and then before you know it the M’s miserable April is over and they’re oh no wait what now? So I’m going to try to keep this recap in ten-second increments. Read one, take a breath, then go on to the next. We’ll be out of Toronto before we know it.

• Ryan Weber, Kid Pitcher, made his first start today.
• The good news about that: 3.2 innings, threw a ton of strikes (42 of his 55 pitches), only gave up three hits and a run.
• The bad news about that:

Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images

[BREATHE] [“this is fine” dog dot jpeg] [BREATHE]

• The Mariners actually out-hit the Jays today, 12 to 11. Unfortunately, very few of those hits were strung together in a way as to push runs across the bases.
• Kyle Seager struck out on a really bad pitch (thrown by lefty specialist Loup, but it was so far outside, you guys) with runners on which prompted Brock Huard to tweet badly, which prompted much of Mariners Twitter to go on a “Kyle Seager is bad, actually” rant. If you choose not to Twitter, you made a good choice.

Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

[BREATHE] [This is fine] [Kyle Seager will be fine] [He’s Kyle Seager]

• The Mariners’ sole offensive production today came from Ben Gamel and Jarrod Dyson. The good news about this is that maybe Jarrod Dyson is not the offensive black hole he’s been accused of being, and Ben Gamel continues to Ben Gamel, Gamelingly. The bad news about this is that the Mariners’ sole offensive production today came from Ben Gamel and Jarrod Dyson.
• Seager had an especially rough day, with three strikeouts, and thus attracted the ire of stick to football certain regional Alexa enthusiasts. But every other Mariner hitter not in the nine-hole recorded at least one hit. The problem is they just couldn’t string those together to score runs.
• The Mariners actually kept the game fairly close, until Nick Vincent decided this was a good place to throw Jose Bautista a pitch:

[BREATHE. Nick Vincent has not been too bad this year. BREATHE.]

[Oh yeah, also there were two runners on because Ezequiel Carrera took a middle-middle 88 mph slider and blasted it at Jean Segura. Maybe off a different pitch or in a different location that’s an inning-ending double play. But. BREATHE.]

• James Pazos also fell apart on the mound a little. It wasn’t totally his fault; Taylor Motter basically fell over on a force attempt, and then Pazos showed a little bit of the poor mound awareness he’s unfortunately getting known for and allowed Ryan Goins to steal third on him. Later the Jays would double steal, having Devon Travis steal home, which just seems mean. Rooks gonna rook.
• Oh also Pazos hit a batter and showed a little step backwards in his improving control. Please not to overwork the rookie pitcher, Scott Servais.
• By the way, the score by this point was 7-2, which only felt slightly less desperate than 5-2.
• Okay, just grit your teeth and barrel through the rest with me, we’re almost done. The injury news continues. Another roster move is expected, meaning Weber might be cooked (like the grill, get it? The laughter masks the sound of my crying).
• Also, this guy missed another game:

Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

Extremely same, Robi. Please get better soon, Mariners. I mean that in every sense.