My recapping philosophy is simple: write the recap the game deserves. Admittedly my tenure at LL is not long, but this was perhaps the most trash ass baseball game I've had to write about. It does not deserve a recap, but I've got to scribble something in these empty spaces so here we are. I am uncharacteristically typing this in the midst of the seventh inning because even if these assholes manage to inexplicably overcome a ten run deficit, they don't deserve a recap. They played garbage baseball and we, the garbage people, watched them do it.
I’ve watched this game in between intermittent bouts of vomiting. Maybe it was food poisoning? The stomach flu? The physical manifestation of my grief over DFAing Leonys Martín? I don't know, but it feels like a pretty heavy handed metaphor for the universe to invoke here.
The Seattle Mariners lost to the Detroit Tigers a lot to a little. In deference to the Tigers, they joined the Ms in playing trash baseball. It just ended up that the Mariners were trashier. The pitching was bad, the fielding was bad, their best player (and one of the best in MLB) strained his oblique. Even the small good things (a Danny Valencia home run, a Sims-interpreted “Jarrod Dyson” home run) felt like troll jobs. There’s a veritable cornucopia of things to complain, rage, or swear about. Have at it; I'm going to go throw up again.