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7-11: Chart

Another thrilling Friday night in Oakland

Seattle Mariners v Oakland Athletics
shielding myself from the unpleasantness of this game like
Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Playing games in Oakland: Taylor Motter, -.189 WPA

Playing games literally anywhere else including the surface of the sun: Nelson Cruz, .087 WPA

Miles For RISP: Four, and in honor of how bad and boring this game was, make them as bad and boring as you can. Run with no music, do lunges, weed the backyard. For true, extra torture, have someone with absolutely no sense of rhythm or musicality trail you with a xylophone and a drum, for that true Coliseum experience.