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The Ides March All Over the Mariners

Friends, fans, countrymen, lend me your ears.

Dramatic reenactment of today’s game.

“Beware the Ides of March,” the soothsayer whispered to a dismissive audience.

Beware the Ides of March.

It was a prophecy; a promise.

Chris Heston had the start for the Mariners today and valiantly he flung pitches to the plate with the abandon of a Roman senator blindly driving his knife toward a would-be dictator. Those conspiratorial Senators of ancient Rome had better command of their weapons and achieved their goal of felling the great Julius Caesar. Heston struggled to find the strike zone, and the Dodgers turned their weapons upon him for three runs, two home runs, a triple, three walks, and one hit batsman. “Et tu,” he muttered as he was mercifully relieved by Casey Fein with one out in the third inning.

Leonys Martin did this:

The Mariners offense staged a comeback to get back in the game and sneered at the soothsayer as they began the sixth inning, “The Ides of March are come.”

Aye, but not gone.

The top of the sixth inning came like an attack led by cloaked assassins. The Dodgers drove the ball, and with it their daggers, into the Mariner’s feeble, overwhelmed bullpen.

The offense struggled vainly to save the reputation of their hapless pitching counterparts. It was not to be. The prophecy was true.

The fault, dear Mariner fans, is not in our stars, but in our pitchers.


  • Jarrod Dyson singled his way on base in each of his three at bats, then proceeded to steal second each time, except after his third single when he was replaced by pinch runner Guillermo Heredia who did the stealing for him.
  • Danny Valencia also had a stolen base. If thievery is going to be a theme this season, I am all for it.
  • Heston truly struggled with his command. He had no idea where each pitch was going. But, the one positive I saw was a delightful curveball he occasionally dropped in for a strike.
  • Mike Freeman’s defensive struggles continued with another error. Perhaps the DFA shook his confidence?
  • Tyler O’Neill was back from the World Baseball Classic. He contributed a strikeout, a fielding error, and a ninth inning single.
  • Sebastian Valle, also back from the WBC, pinch hit for Valencia in the seventh inning to no avail. He donated a meaningless run on a sacrifice fly in the ninth.
  • Chris Taylor, the erstwhile top Mariner prospect, singled and scored in the eighth inning. Jerk.
  • The final score: Dodgers 12, Mariners 7. The game felt worse than the score would indicate.

Thankfully the Mariners play baseball and not ancient Roman politics, so they get to try again tomorrow at 1:05 against the Royals.