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Mariners Commercials: Critiques, Rankings, and Awards

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Kyle Seager takes home the second LLoscar of his career.

MLB: Oakland Athletics at Seattle Mariners
Kyle Seager celebrates after winning Best Actor in a Supporting Role.
Jennifer Buchanan-USA TODAY Sports

Today the Mariners debuted the 2017 commercials, and the Lookout Landing staff consensus was, “meh.” This year it felt like most of the commercials just fell flat, or were just generally lacking the creativity of past years. There were a few bright spots here and there, but the consensus among the staff (and according to a few of you on Twitter, apparently) seems to be that the Mariners should outsource next year’s batch of commercials to the LL staff, along with a healthy budget. Without further ado, I present the 2017 Mariners Commercial Rankings.

Rankings:

#4 Cano Show - Grade C-

This Cano Show encapsulates the practice every college student knows so well of just managing to scrape by. It feels like the Mariners ran out of commercial ideas and were just like “Oh hey, we have one of the best players on earth, let’s just use him.” There’s really nothing unique about this spot, other than it being a possible attempt to troll New York with the SNL feel, in which case they should have made it a bit more obvious. The lone bright spot is the ample amount of time-lapse footage used from all throughout Seattle.

#3 Boomstick Workout - Grade C

This one had a lot of potential, but lacked creativity. Setting the treadmill at the end to “Home Run Trot” was a great touch, but the workout montage itself was just bland. Come on, Mariners, give us Nelson Cruz bench pressing thousands of pounds and swinging trees as baseball bats like the Hulk he is.

#2 Beyond the Flip - Grade B

Beyond the Flip is the equivalent to a well-thought-out but poorly written paper. The finished product comes across cringey, but if you watch the bloopers, it looks like the guys were actually having a lot more fun than the commercial shows. A little less scripting and more freedom for the guys to just mess around could have boosted this to a solid A. Also, I would have enjoyed more of a game simulation where all the guys are trying to one up each other over the course of a game as they hit bomb after bomb.

#1 Felix Day - Grade B+

Yes, Felix Day should be a statewide holiday, that much is clear. This is a charming narrative, but once again it feels like they only hit the obvious points and could have gone bigger. I want to see kids waking up like it’s Christmas morning, or a boss giving the whole office the day off every five days. Also, the balloon at the end was fantastic.

Awards:

Best Actor in a Lead Role: Nelson Cruz, Boomstick Workout

It’s obvious that Cruz has really poured his heart into this role. Actors are known to alter their bodies to play specific parts, but Cruz has taken this practice to a whole new level. Not many actors would be willing to spend a lifetime in the gym, all for a 30 second commercial shoot, but Nelly’s devotion to his craft has paid off. His tireless workout regimen has given him the appearance of a real MLB player, and he executes each lift to perfection right down the home run trot. This is Nelly’s first LLoscar.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Kyle Seager, Beyond the Flip

In his role as a batting practice bystander and participant, Seager nails his closing line. “The mic drop, genius.” will go down as one of the best executed lines in Mariners commercial history, with the slight crack in his voice and shake of his head perfectly portraying his amazement at Edgar’s new mic drop celebration. This is Kyle’s second LLoscar.

Best Cinematography: The Cano Show

From the beginning, The Cano Show captures the beauty of Seattle from a wide array of angles and viewpoints. Time-lapse after time-lapse perfectly encapsulates the scenery from Downtown Seattle to Safeco Field, and Cano’s dazzling smile adds the finishing touch. As a finished product, this is easily one of the most scenic Mariners commercials in recent memory.

Poll: