The Mariners had their annual photo shoot the other day and everyone looks so grown up and handsome and we know they will make us all very proud someday soon.
Here are a few of the best and brightest from the class of 2017.
Most likely to have time traveled to this photo shoot from the middle of an at-bat against Walter Johnson.
Most likely to be a good boy, who’s a good boy, you’re a good boy, yes you are.
Most likely to have moonlighted as a pyro demolition expert in the Muppets universe.
Most likely to accept your compliment on his egg white frittata while thinking to himself, “damn right it was delicious.”
Most likely to actually be starring in a Disney movie titled “Kid Pitcher.”
Most likely to accost a pitcher mid-mound visit for stealing his neck while he was sleeping.
Most likely to disappear when turned completely sideways. Also, most likely to have stolen an extra neck.
Dog proudest of the dead mouse he brought into the house, just for you.
Most likely be slowly erased from the family photo in a Back to the Future movie.
Most likely to be not mad at you, just disappointed.
Most likely to have a perfectly rehearsed elevator pitch for Ubeer, the beer-delivery app he and his buddy are developing.
Most likely to be Picasso’s self-portrait wearing a beard necklace.
Most likely to be Shae Simmons with some extra hair pinned under his cap, trying to double his odds of making the 25-man.
Most likely to be mistaken for Ben Gamel.
Most likely to bet you’re too chicken, huh? You won’t actually eat that, ya scaredy-cat, will you? Yeah, he knew it.
Most likely to be happily married to his wife named “Ashley Ashley.” (Which is somehow a fact that we did not make up.)
Most likely to give you a stern talking-to and then send you to your room before going to the local pub and crushing a few brews with his buddies from the Coast Guard.
Most likely to lend you a pencil but say “it’s ok, you can keep it” after you reflexively start chewing on it.
Most likely to fill in on drums occasionally in a Sublime cover band.
Most likely to have stolen back his Lucky Charms.
Most likely to be Puerto Rican Santa Claus.
Most likely to have his shadow still manage to go 2-5 with an RBI.