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Let the Mariners Be Your Valentine

it’s my birthday y’alllllll

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim v Seattle Mariners
hugs not drugs
Photo by Stephen Brashear/Getty Images

O frabjous day! Today should be a NATIONAL FREAKING HOLIDAY, because so many good things are happening. First, it is Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is actually Bad, because blah blah commercialism and blah blah expectations and blah blah eternal solitude and going out to eat is a Kafka-esque nightmare, but for the 1% of you who find yourselves daisy-fresh in love and happy to celebrate, knock yourselves out. Okay, next, it is PITCHERS AND CATCHERS. Yes! We made it! Later today, Amanda is going to offer you a little pitchers and catchers treat, so I’m going to let her cover that. But FINALLY and most importantly, it is my birthday! Having a birthday on Valentine’s Day was relatively fun as a grade-schooler, and has gotten progressively less fun as I’ve gotten older/singler/more bitter about having to make my own birthday dinner because going out to eat is impossible and no one is free anyway. But it does mean I have always had a special place in my heart for Valentines, whether handmade ones or the two-dollar boxes you buy at the CVS or wacky Victorian ones or my favorite episode of the Simpsons ever. So, since I’m the boss and my staff is relentlessly indulgent and creative and wonderful, they agreed to help make Mariner Valentines for this year. Enjoy!

The Nice:

The Naughty:

The...Look, Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You