If you’re reading this, Thanksgiving is over, and you made it! You survived the political landmine of your extended family, choked down a polite serving of whatever terrible vegetable was on the table this year (I hope for your sake it wasn’t turnips; I am yet to find a turnip dish I will actually eat), and are currently enjoying some free-and-easy internet browsing before net neutrality is overturned and blows little websites like ours into the most distant corner of the internet. Drink it all in, people, I mean like Kirsten Dunst partying in Versailles in that Marie Antoinette movie over the top-style browsing bonanza, drink FanPosts out of a shoe. sic transit gloria wiki.
Unless you are reading this in transit on your way to Thanksgiving, in which case, no, go away, you’ll need something to distract yourself later. Trust me.
In celebration of the potentially waning days of free and open internet and as we did last year, we will be publishing two separate gift guides: one, full of stuff you might actually buy for the baseball fan in your life; and one of Sad Crap. Because my #brand is Implausibly Earnest, apparently, I will again be holding down the fort on the “actual gift” front, and tomorrow we’ll publish something silly for you to read when you’re standing in an interminable line at Best Buy because you ignored all my helpful web-based suggestions here.
Obviously, experience-based gifts are unparalleled, but if you can’t make it out for Fan Fest, Spring Training, Opening Day, or aren’t ready to commit time (or airfare) to the single-game tickets now on sale—or if you simply want a little something for your special one to unwrap, we have got you covered. The Mariners usually do a holiday special on their site or in-store where if you spend a certain amount you get a free beanie or something. (They’re currently running a 25% off sale when you spend over $25—today only, so hurry hurry.) But if you want to go beyond the team store, here are some ideas:
MLB.tv is an obvious one, but if you’re looking to get into the minor leagues, MiLB.tv is cheaper and you get access to dozens of games each day. Enter the code of your favorite minor league team name (i.e., RAINIERS) to get an additional discount. For reading, Baseball Prospectus, Fangraphs, Baseball America, or the Athletic (or for Texas-based fans, friend of the site Levi Weaver’s new subscription service The Upset) would all be appreciated by the stathead in your life.
#4MOM band, Rivet Revolution, $38
If you didn’t see Mariners prospect Braden Bishop talking about his mother’s battle with Alzheimer’s on MLBN, go watch it right now. Braden is the founder of the #4MOM foundation, which recently partnered with the company Rivet Revolution to create a special piece for his foundation; $10 (a healthy sum!) from each bracelet goes to the foundation. The unisex band is made of onyx beads accented with a silver #4MOM tag; I love wearing mine not only because I like how it looks and feels, but also for the reminder of the fight against Alzheimer’s, a disease that’s taken so much from so many.
The official Maple Grove tee, Zazzle, $25 - $35
Designed by Maple Grove founding member Hillary Kirby, this tee comes in a variety of options in both women’s and men’s styles. I like my tank top, but you can also get a hoodie for those cool Safeco nights. Zoom in close and look at the detail on the stitches. You can also get a onesie! (For babies. Sorry.)
Safeco Ballpark Blueprint, Ballpark Blueprints, $60
Featuring both a bird’s eye view and the classic west elevation view (Safeco is such a beautiful park, you guys, we are so lucky), this museum-quality print would look equally elegant at home or in an office. Detailed but not too busy, you can order this print unframed, framed, on metal, on a t-shirt, or on a coffee mug. Bonus! Use code LOOKOUT for 10% off.
Edgar Martinez Taught Me English Shirt, Teepublic, $20 - up
Designed by Minna Young, friend of the friend of the site Jon Shield, this shirt reprises a classic Edgar line from one of the classic Edgar commercials: I took my GEODUCK to PUYALLUP. Bring back the golden age of Mariners commercials, please. On sale for Black Friday!
Modesto Nuts Championship Pack, $29 - up
It was a good year to be a Nut. Capture a little piece of that magic with a reasonably-priced championship pack consisting of a variety of items including hats, shirts, batting practice jerseys, signed lineup cards, and baseball cards. Make sure whatever pack you pick has the baseball cards included, and then bring those suckers to spring training and get them signed. Or just wear your NUTS gear around town with pride, whatever, I’ve already heard all the jokes.
Game Day Feels bands, Game Day Feels, $15 - up
Game Day Feels, a small, women-owned business in Ohio, creates accessories made from baseball glove lace. Choose original tan or a specialty color (M’s colors include fir green, navy, or silver, or go wildcat blue/mustard for a Sunday alternate feel) in bracelets, lanyards, keychains and more. In addition to customizing the color, you can choose the finish, customize the length and width of the bracelet, and add a personalized quote (I have three of these: one with an Edgar quote, one rye bread/mustard, and one that says “it is designed to break your heart”). You can also get Safeco’s coordinates, or the coordinates to another special place.
Felix Hernandez NES Box print, Etsy, $18
If you love the King and retro video games and their highly pixelated art, or know someone who does, this is a perfect gift.
Mariners socks, Stance, $18
If you’re over Strideline, Stance has a couple options for you in ultra-soft combed cotton. Also, there are half-tie-dyed Mariners-themed underoos available. If you’re into that sort of thing.
Safeco grid map, Etsy, $14
Like if Mondrian designed a stretch of Sodo and then Blue Note made an album cover out of it. Simple, clean, and lovely.
Own a piece of Robinson Cano’s 1600th base hit for $50. That seems cheap! Do you think $50 is like what Robinson Canó thinks laundry costs per load?
In a similar vein, I have no cause to wear cufflinks, but I think if I did I’d want these game-used baseball cufflinks. What a fun way to inject a little bit of your personality and passion into the job that’s slowly siphoning the most interesting aspects of your personhood. Game used! But you won’t know what game it was until you buy them. That’s a real tricky move, that one. You could have Zunino’s lightning game or any game Corey Hart played in as an outfielder.
Happy holiday season, everyone! The countdown to spring training is on.