It's been a long, cold offseason In Seattle. A few weeks ago my hair froze while I was walking to work, which I believe qualifies me for a tax credit directly from the mayor. Mercifully, Trader Jerry foresaw the frosty winter conditions and, in an unprecedented move, traded minor league pitcher Zack Littell for an all-expenses paid journey to the tropical Greek island of Pazos. As we all pack our bags to descend on our balmy paradise, enjoy a brief rundown of some of the features you can expect on our journey. To get you properly in the mood, I recommend listening to some appropriately beachy tunes, such as the eternal classic listed below.
The peak of the island stands a deceptively tall 6’3 from sea level, and few places in the Aegean can boast the high velocity of Pazos. The “Windy Island” boasts an extensive windsurfing and kitesurfing scene, as well as fastballs that range from 93-97 mph. Inexplicably, no matter where you turn, the wind seems to be constantly coming from your left side. For around 20 minutes every hour, or about 34.5% of the time, the winds change from fast, sinking motions to softer, 80 mph sliding zephyrs. A cursory glance at Pazos, and its raw physical nature, and it's easy to see why it has been regarded as an important piece by empires such as the Athenians, Persians, Romans, Ottomans, and Yankees.
No man is an island, and romance is a central a feature of the allure of the Mediterranean. Pazos is a majestic locale to bring that special someone and put a pause on real life. The sandy beaches and picturesque blue and white villages provide perfect backdrops for walk after walk. Unfortunately, you may not be alone in this endeavor, and in 2016 Pazos averaged a staggering 6.26 walks per nine innings in AAA, which I assume must be a Greek metric for measuring tourism. While that number came in a brief stretch, the flip-side was also imposing. Over a third of those who attempted to challenge Pazos struck out last year, an extraordinary 13.5 per nine innings. We are fortunate to have an opportunity to fully enjoy the beautiful beams of the Pazos moon for years to come.
It is, of course, not just the big numbers that make a journey worthwhile, but the details. While Pazos has been hit hard by the Greek economic crisis and inconsistency, the commitment to growth and improvement is evident. Pazos is an ancient island, but doesn’t look a day over 25 years old, and its cultural touchstones range from Classical to Post-Modern. The legendary Colossus at Knossos has been, tragically, lost to time, but the lesser known “LOOGY of Pazos” still stands tall over the island as a warning to all who might challenge its people or Marc Rzepczynski.
The artwork of the island represents the recent struggles of Pazos, recovering from frustrating injuries in 2014 to attempt to build a better future. May Pazos be successful in its development, for the possibilities are exciting.
While it would be wonderful to utilize this luxurious getaway immediately, it will likely be most effective and pleasant much later in the summer, or perhaps even in 2018. If this year is not the right time, fear not. The deal on Pazos is cost-controlled through 2022. All flights this year to see Pazos will likely begin in Tacoma, but could be subject to change. Some restrictions and injuries may apply, see Spring Training for details.
Please enjoy your stay!