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The 10 Best Moments of the Mallex Smith Era

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Mallex, we hardly knew ye.

Simply The Greatest.

Sure, the Seahawks lost this weekend, but the City of Seattle had an even bigger run of dominance come to an end in the last few days when the Mariners traded away Mallex Smith last Wednesday.

Now, you might point out (and rightly so) that Mallex was a Mariner for scarcely over an hour, and he likely never even stepped foot in the state of Washington during that time, and he wouldn’t have started or maybe even made the Mariners’ roster in 2017. This is true. But the quality of that hour-plus with Mallex as our sixth outfielder was so important to so many people in Seattle, and really in Western Washington as a whole, that we thought it deserved its own Top 10 countdown.

We raise a glass to you, Mallex. Enjoy.

1. From the first moment you entered our lives, we knew it would be special.

2. The moment when it finally sunk in: We finally have center field covered in 2035. I mean, sure, we all wondered what would happen after Jarrod Dyson left as a free agent, and Leonys Martin lost his defensive sparkle by 2020, and Mitch Haniger lost his extra step in his age-35 season in 2026, and Ben Gamel’s hair stopped growing and giving him superpowers by the turn of the decade in 2030, and Tyler O’Neill went full Popeye, ate too much spinach, and was moved to DH in 2034. But we have our answer now! This is why depth is so important, people. Jerry Dipoto thinks six steps ahead, while everybody else is just playing checkers.

3. Okay, so this might belong in the “10 Worst Moments” list instead, but here lies the beauty that is M’Allex Smith.

(Also, @whoisjoserivera, you might need to watch your back - Robby is coming for your graphics gig.)

4. Reading the Braves’ announcement of the trade and realizing that for all his cool transparency moments on social media, Atlanta GM John Coppolella still uses Windows 95 to create all his stationery.

5. Learning that this is his dream walk-up music:

This just made me so excited for all his at-bats that we never got to see.

6. Now, this moment makes me a bit queasy to even put in print. But it was truly tragic when ESPN baseball reporter Jerry Crasnick scooped the rest of the baseball world with this bombshell.

Just over 20 minutes of peace and tranquility, shattered in an instant by a thoughtless tweet that begat almost 60 solid minutes of speculation. Mostly, however, we were concerned for Mallex’s well-being.

7. We all know how excellent the Mariners marketing department is, and they were so on top of things, they actually scheduled a Mallex Smith Bobblehead Hour, with free bobbleheads available to the first 1,000 fans who tweeted #MallexHOF to anybody with a Hall of Fame vote.

If you tweet #MallexHOF enough times, you too might get one of these limited edition collectibles! It’s actually just the @MarinersPR tweet from #1 bobbling on a computer, however, so don’t get too excited.

8. There was a moment, a brief moment but a moment nonetheless, where the Mariners had their Smith quota fulfilled. With Carson in Boston and Seth in Baltimore, they found themselves Smithless. The arrival of Mallex represented the light that never goes out. But now Mallex is gone and heaven knows we’re miserable now. This charming man is gone.

9. Of course, my personal favorite was 12: 45 PM Seattle time, when the Mariners held their Mallex Smith Jersey Retirement Ceremony. It was a touching moment for a true Emerald City Legend, and I’m glad such a towering figure in M’s franchise history was recognized for his exploits.

10. Our final moment with you, of course, was a cruel reminder of the fragility of life. We’ll miss you, Mallex, and we hope you enjoyed thinking about living in Seattle for every one of the 77 minutes you were a Mariner. We certainly thought about you as our sixth outfielder for that time.

Never change, Mallex. Never change.