The 2016 Lookout Landies

Good evening, and weLLcome to the inaugural evening of the Lookout Landies (title pending…please include your more clever options in the comments below)! What are the Landies, you ask? Why they’re simply my steadfast refusal to succumb to the numbers, and/or logic, that say tonight’s recap might as well be an obituary for the season. Life provides enough sadness as it is, and I see no reason to further bring it upon us, so instead tonight is a Lookout Landing awards night, in the vein of Michael Scott’s Dundies. Each Mariner who participated in tonight’s game will receive an award and, in homage to one of my favorite LL pieces of all time, the awards will exclusively be things in my house.

Norichika Aoki:

I forgot to take these vitamins this morning, like I forget to take them most mornings. The gummy ones taste really bad.

Daniel Vogelbach:

Nobody reads this stack of books. Nobody has opened one of these books for years. They look nice on the table though.

Seth Smith:

Who even listens to CDs anymore? I mean, they work but c’mon, it’s 2016 folks.

Robinson Canó:

Pricey but worth every penny. I can’t imagine life without it.

Nelson Cruz:

Clean, fresh water. Not everyone has access to this, but it’s critical for survival.

Kyle Seager:

This loaf of bread is actually ten days past its expiration date. It looks fine but tastes very bad. Would have been just dandy a week ago.

Adam Lind: There is no photographic evidence because the internet already has enough gross things floating around, but Adam Lind’s award is the partially digested sock that the puppy attempted to eat earlier this evening.

Leonys Martin: Again, no photographic evidence, but Leonys Martin’s award is the series of job applications I’m working on. Simultaneously filled with hope, but also soul crushing.

Mike Freeman:

I made this mug of tea but forgot about it by the kettle and now it’s pretty much cold.

Jesús Sucre:

These hydrangeas are going to wilt soon, but for now they are beautiful.

Ketel Marte:

The Tuesday crossword is supposed to be fairly easy, but I got distracted and gave up.

Félix Hernández:

I wore these sunglasses today because I couldn’t find my usual pair. They have a couple scratches and one of the side screws is loose, but they still protect my eyes from the sun I suppose.

Dan Altavilla:

This one’s a bit of a cop out, since I just wanted to use something Pennsylvania-esque, but I graduated from a small school in central PA just like Diesel Dan and this travel mug is something I don’t use all the time, but it reminds me of college and makes me smile, and has yet to leak and spill hot coffee on me.

Drew Storen:

This is a pen. It came from a Costco 100 pack. It is neither my favorite, nor least favorite, writing implement.

Vidal Nuno: I forgot about this in the very back of the fridge but hey, it's still good!

Tonight the Seattle Mariners lost to the Houston Astros 8-4. There are five games left in the 2016 season.