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Mariners announce “Color Blast” uniforms

Looks like they were ready to rage.

Seattle, WA - At a gathering of team officials and press, the Seattle Mariners became the first team to reveal new, alternate uniforms. The announcement comes on the heels of the NFL revealing its much-hyped "Color Rush" jerseys. Players modeled, sporting a unified, monochrome design, the team has dubbed its new alternates "Tru Teal".

"We are always looking at ways to be progressive, and to broaden the appeal of the sport", said Mariner president Kevin Mather, "Clearly, we owe a lot of credit here to the University of Oregon, the first to realize the marketing potential of capitalizing on people's inherent self-loathing, as well as their desire to spend gobs of money on things that look objectively horrible.

"With the rollout of the NFL's program, and the consumer's clear desire to clad oneself like a human amalgamation of the Las Vegas Strip, we felt this represented an opportunity for us to seize upon this new desire to enjoy terrible clothing. Also, team scientists have hypothesized that the bright hue will burn itself onto human retina, making it harder for youths to play Pokemon Go at the ballpark instead of watching the game."

The Mariners will begin the rollout on Tuesday home games, which the team is now calling "Teal Truesdays". "We found during brand testing that there was a strong crossover between people who like the new uniform, alliteration, and puns." a team spokesperson said.

Star second baseman Robinson Cano was present, and already showing off the newest model of his "RC24" branded HTC phone, in the new color scheme. "I think it is a great look", Cano said. "Life should be lived loud enough that your neighbors will want to put headphones on. And when they do, I recommend these Tru Teal-colored Beats by Dre."

Other Mariner players offered conflicting reviews on the new look.

"Well y'know the kids are gonna love it." said outfielder Seth Smith, "My wife and I just got a new minivan, and we found one on Craigslist that looked a lot like this. I think it makes us look like we're tripping out to that marijuana and such, but young people seem crazy for it. I don't really get it, I guess."

Tracked down in the team's weight facility, third baseman Kyle Seager was less positive: "Well I think they're ugly, and I don't see why anyone would buy them. Then again, people seem to love Fenway and Wrigley and those are just public toilets with tens of thousands of seats and no privacy."

When pressed to offer his thoughts, designated hitter Nelson Cruz paused, before smiling and sticking both thumbs up, saying, "Call Nellie Auto Glass, today."

Tru Teal jerseys and shirseys will be available next week online, and in all Mariner team stores, per the Mariners press release. Though the FDA is reportedly investigating possible scenarios of teal poisoning, team officials are comfortable that the shirts will be proven to be wholly legal and non-toxic.