This piece continues the journey of Ariel Miranda, our Fairy Tale Take on a baseball's player desire to play in the Bigs, at any cost...possibly even at the dearest price imaginable. If you've not read it yet, why are we even? I can't help you. Go, read it. I'll wait. Now, we pick up where we left off...
The scene is a random, very generic minor league baseball team clubhouse. Ariel Miranda, who thought he was in the clubhouse at Safeco field, finds himself magically teleported to this locker room.
ARIEL: What the?? Where am I??
One by one, by the same teleportation magic, Disney princesses begin to appear, each with a /poof/ of smoke- only they aren't quite Disney princesses we're used to...
/poof!/ SYNDERELLAGAARD: Hey whoa where am...oh, not again!
/poof!/ BELLE-TRE: Not the hair! Not the…what... oh here we go again. Who is it this time?
/poof!/ JASO-MINE: And so I was like, no man these dreads are TOTALLY...[looks around], hey guys.
/poof!/ MULANA: What? Oh. 'Sup?
/poof!/ ELSA-BURY: Oh C'MON! They were just about show Yanks-Sox highlights! You know how long I'll have to wait before they're on again? Whatever let's hurry it up, maybe I'll catch the end.
All 5 princesses now look at Ariel, who is standing uncomfortably alone in the middle of the clubhouse.
JASO-MINE: So you're the noob, huh? Lemme guess. My-Oh-My Nemesis Clinic, huh?
ARIEL: You guys know about that??
SYNDERELLAGAARD: Know about it? Dude. We're practically spokespersons for it! Spokespeople? Spokers?
ELSA-BURY: [rolls eyes] So what are you in for? A call to the bigs? Tell me it's not a call to the bigs.
ARIEL: Well, I...I just wanted my shot. Look, I even sang about it. Right there. Page 71 of your scripts. [Yells upward] Hey Jimmy! Roll audio track 21, and this time not so much bass all right?
[Now at this time you, reader, are treated to a multimedia cornucopia of #content. For you see the author has graciously provided an audio track of Ariel singing. It is in fact poorly done, in a bathroom (no really), on an I-Phone using a laptop streaming YouTube for the Karaoke backgrounds. The voice of the singer was completely shot, having stayed up past midnight the prior evening, screaming at the top of his lungs at a 15 inning Mariners walkoff. Don't judge, but please enjoy!]
Part of That World Sung By A Donkey
MULANA: Ok, all right, we get it. You want to be in the Majors. But what were you willing to give up? What does Miranda have on you?
ARIEL: [Looking sheepishly at his feet] My, uh, my soul...
ALL FIVE PRINCESSES: Duuuude.
JASO-MINE: Are you NUTS?? I mean, we all were willing to give up a lot to get our shot. Adrian over there got amazing defense, but all of his treatments were done in his scalp, so now nobody can touch it. Ain't that right Belle?
BELLE-TRE: [Strokes head]
MULAN-A: Yeah, but he met all of Ursula's demands and didn't have to pay the ultimate price, right Belle? You didn't have to give anything else up, did you?
BELLE-TRE: [Nervously shakes his head, "No", but slowly reaches for his groin and cups his one testicle]
ELSA-BURY: Yeah, I can't believe ya offered your soul. Are you sure you can meet her demands? What were they? That you had to make the playoffs? That's what she usually demands. It wasn't a problem for all of us.
ARIEL: Yeah, playoffs!
ELSA-BURY: Well then you're golden! Your Orioles should make it, I should know. We've been chasing those bums all season long. All right boys, he should be fine, let's get out of...what? What's wrong?
ARIEL: I got traded. To the Mariners.
[All five Princesses draw in their breaths through their teeth, hissing as if struck]: Ooooh Daaaaaaaamn!
SYNDERELLAGAARD: Ok, well, who's your guardian?
ARIEL: My guardian?
SYNDERELLAGAARD: Yeah, your guardian. This is a fairy tale, so when we go on our quest, we all have guardians. I had a fairy godmother, Belle had a talking candle, Mulan had a lizard. Who's yours?
ARIEL: I - I'm not sure. I wonder if that's Suck-Bastion?
[All five Princesses hiss again]
ARIEL: Look wouldja stop doing that?? What's the big deal? What's wrong with Suck-Bastion?
ELSA-BURY: No, nothing, nothing at all. Has he, uh helped you at all?
ARIEL: Well, he did sing me a song...tried to stop me from going to Ursula in the first place. Catchy tune. Jimmy! Track 17
JASO-MINE: Well, I guess he's trying. Have you actually pitched yet?
ARIEL: Yeah, did ok against Boston. Come to think of it, maybe Suck-Bastion was helping out there...
ELSA-BURY: Atta-boy! Ok guys, I think we've done all we can here.
ARIEL: Wait that's it? Don't you have any advice? How to keep my soul? How to stay in the Bigs? How to push us to the playoffs??
SYNDERELLAGAARD: Sure, kid. It's easy. [Breaks fourth wall and looks directly at the Lookout Landing readers and gives a knowing wink and a nod]. Just #KeepFighting.