Fans of biz both big and small know that the water cooler talk over the past few weeks has changed of late. Gone are the days of arguing who the second-string quarterback is going to be for the HAWKS with Steve or whether or not the Mariners will ever win at home with Ken. Marta is a huge Sounders fan and as such all conversation has been avoided with her as she nears the cliff of her fandom. No, what’s on everyone’s lips these days revolves around the capturing of 151 varieties of so-called "Pocket Monsters" or Pokemon. As a topical, Seattle-famous blog, we have found it in our best interest to associate ourselves with this recent trend. So pick your head out of your phone, it’s just another Weedle, and listen up as we spit some serious poke-knowledge.
Identifying an entire baseball franchise with a single Pokemon is a daunting task. First, we have to select just how large of a swath we are looking at here, the most-recent generation of monsters has the deck nearing one-thousand little guys and honestly that's too much. For this, we're going with the Original 151 monsters. Next, we must choose a Pokemon that not only represents the current squad, but the entire history of the Seattle Mariners. This history will mean different things to all, making this task even more burdensome, however, we at Lookout Landing have already figured out exactly which Pokemon represents the M's, and it isn't even close. Let the debate end here.
The Seattle Mariners as a franchise are represented by the Pokemon "Marowak", the evolutionary form of Cubone, the so-called "Lonely Pokemon". Marowak is a monster that many may have never heard of, making it the perfect choice for the national audience. Yes, the Mariners will be making their first Sunday Night Baseball appearance in what feels like a decade oh what it's been twelve years in just a few, short days, but let's face it, nobody knows about us. Couple that with a well-known lack of playoff baseball for essentially the entire millennium so far, and the M's aren't exactly on the forefront of any, say, Atlanta Braves fan's mind. However, simple lack of popularity is not enough to make Marowak the M's mascot.
Marowak is known to be quite a lonesome, little thing. It is small, yet unbelievably ferocious and violent. The bone it carries is the only weapon it has, without it it's essentially just a prairie dog that's pissed off. Akin to the current M's, famous for Nelson Cruz's "Boomstick", Marowak carries a bone-stick of its own. According to legend, not only is the bone a weapon, but it is sourced from a graveyard OF OTHER MAROWAKS. Yes, it made a weapon out of fallen comrades and loved ones. Like the Mariners and their propensity for giving us the Sads, nobody has even seen or been able to locate this Marowak graveyard. It's constantly living in the past glories of fallen friends, fashioning tools of destruction from their rotting bodies. Marowak was also the only living Pokemon to have inhabited the Lavender Tower which is essentially a crypt.
What's more, Marowak is rather primitive in its ability to communicate, never really speaking. Instead, it taps messages with the bone-club on great rocks and boulders of the desert. Just like how we can never really understand what's going on with the M's, this little fella has trouble letting us know what's up, as well. In the past, the M's FO has been known for some head-scratchers and a relative lack of tact, Marowak seems more than capable of providing the same. Living in a desert in solace and sadness, unable to communicate with others and relatively unknown to the world, Marowak is a real hard bastard to love. But there's one more thing that really takes the cake.
That skull on Marowak's face. Once worn as a mask, the skull eventually became part of the Marowak's body, morphing into the beast itself. That's right, it permanently has a skull stuck to its face. However, that isn't even the most disturbing part of the whole affair. Sure, the little creature sneaks out in the middle of the night so nobody can see, fashions weapons out of the bones of the deceased, and never talks, but eventually, the ultimate question has to be asked. Why the skull? To those not in the know, one might ask, "To whom did that skull belong?" Well, dear, fellow M's fan. That is the skull of Marowak's dead mother. Yes, Marowak's entire life has been marred by the grief of its mother's passing. And while it doesn't speak, the only sound it does emit is a "plaintive and mournful sound" when sobbing over its dead mom. Especially, on the night of a full moon, as Marowak recognizes its mother in the moon. Remember Night Court?
Marowak lives a ferocious, solitary, mournful, underdog life in the desert, enduring the permanent grief of its mother's passing.