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SOURCES: How Mariners' Stars Spent All-Star Break in Washington State

Swimming, hunting, and drilling through the earth's crust. All can be done in our own backyard.

At least 24 Mariners had some time off this week, and like normal human beings, they fanned out according to their vacation preferences. Some flew far away, selfishly choosing to leave their kingdom when it had a chance to blossom. However, some supported Washington's BUSINESSES. While we have some details about the following players' vacation activities from an anonymous LL sleuth, it's entirely responsible to wildly speculate about their full vacation agenda and motives.

Kyle Seager - Lake Chelan
Sometimes, a picture speaks a thousand words, and sometimes it speaks at least 224,298 words. This is one of the times where the latter is true. Witness:

This is professional outdoor athlete Kyle Seager, who is whiter than me, a northern European business genius who spends all but 20 minutes a day shielded from the unyielding sun. However, this is not a place to make fun of Dadbod Kyle, for he believes in supporting the biz, even if it means going to a desert hellscape. One assumes after taking this photo, Kyle tried to cannonball into the lake, but his natural grace prevented a splash.

Franklin Gutierrez - South Lake Union
Guti stayed close to home -- common air travel can be tough when you must have immediate access to the shitter at a moment's notice -- so he ventured to South Lake Union, commonly known as Seattle's Detroit. Presumably he visited Daniel's Broiler, MOHAI, and Chandler's Crabhouse, forced to buy an overpriced item because a certain urgently needed amenity was for CUSTOMERS ONLY. He ended his journey at the Seattle Models Guild, for he knows his true handsome calling.

Leonys Martin - Kirkland
The centerfielder was spotted roaming the fields of a local park, snagging long throws in ultimate frisbee in front of the scouts from the local squad who were in attendance. However, he was asked to leave after accidentally tossing the disc over them mountains.

Steve Cishek - Suncadia
Cishek did what a man making $7 million a year does: he went to a resort with a fancy made-up name. Cishek almost assuredly rode horses to a hill with a majestic view, where he was able to set up a perch to hunt the world's most dangerous game: cottontail rabbits. Oh, he also was gifted this:

That's right, it's a drinking apparatus made out of a baseball bat. If these become popular enough, there may be few enough bats that Cishek's HR/9 drops below one.

Nick Vincent - Downtown Seattle
Finally, there's you and me and Nicky V, who stayed right downtown to celebrate his wife's date of birth. They cut cake, cut in line, cut a check, and cut a rug on the dance floor. They also walked a straight line down the streets of Seattle, but that was less than half the time.


In conclusion, here is a quiz that will tell you which Mariner vacationer you are most like, by asking you which Mariner vacationer you are most like.