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34-28: Chart

Mariners Care Not For Your Happiness, Lose

MLB: Texas Rangers at Seattle Mariners
I would also be ashamed to be seen with these goobers
Jennifer Buchanan-USA TODAY Sports

Do Not Hang Your Head: James Paxton, .300 WPA

You Were Bad and Should Feel Bad: Kyle Seager, -.300 WPA

Jerry Units: Mariners pitchers got 11 strikeouts! But the batters only had one walk. Texas pitchers only managed 3 strikeouts! But Texas batters took 5 walks. Jerry biz units might be positive here, but these briefcases contain only an ancient, unfulfilled yearning, a sadness that knows our name even as we know not how to name it, and some gum wrappers.