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Early season trends and analysis

Because a baseball season is, in fact, 161 re-playings of a single game.

Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Well, team, we had a heck of a run. I really thought this was the year that we could break the streak and win the World Series.

But one game in, and we're already in last place. The Seahawks lost their first game last season, and you know where it got them? Not a championship, that's for sure! And think about this: Each of the last three World Series champions have won their first game. That's a trend, and it's not a good one for the boys in teal.

Of course, it's only fair to take a step back and look objectively at what happened in yesterday's contest. My job here on the Internet is to use facts and analysis to determine what will happen this season. If we can't examine things from an unbiased perspective, we could end up making broad over-generalizations about specific events, resulting in utter catastrophe. So let's get to it.

Felix Hernandez is no longer good.

Well, we knew this was coming. King Felix turns 30 on Friday, and he pitched like it yesterday. He allowed a hit - and in the process, he failed to match his career-best of zero hits in a single game - but most worryingly, he walked FIVE batters, also one away from a career-high. This is proof that our royalty has fallen back to earth.

We had a great run, FiFi. That perfect game and all was nice, and we sure did appreciate your six All-Star appearances, Cy Young award, yada yada. But looks like it's probably time to hang 'em up. Six strikeouts isn't even that impressive, since I think we saw Mark Trumbo do that a couple times in a single game last year.

Now, you might be saying that the fact that he only allowed one hit should count for something. I have one word for you: No. He also allowed three runs, and that's one more than the M's put across the plate. Maybe Felix should spend less time celebrating his strikeouts and more time encouraging his teammates to score more runs for him.

Adam Lind is doomed to be Richie Sexson 2.0, but without the huge power years.

In his first game as a Mariner, Lind recorded a hat trick, going 0-4 with three strikeouts. Perhaps the blame should be placed at the feet of brand-new manager Scott Servais, who inserted the big lefty into the Opening Day lineup only to face southpaw Cole Hamels. If this continues (which it will, since this one game is indicative of the rest of the year), looks like Servais will be unable to make good matchup decisions.

Speaking of Servais...

Scott Servais is in over his head.

Starting Adam Lind against a lefty? Pinch-hitting for defensive wizard Leonys Martin instead of replacing Lind with Dae-Ho Lee? Putting Nelson Cruz in the field rather than at DH? Let's face it, folks, Servais has no idea what he's doing. Baseball has a steep learning curve, and clearly the nuances of the game are far too much for such a newbie.

Jim raises a great point. But I write here to take a deeper look at the stats. Here's a fact: Every manager who has ever won a World Series has been the manager of an MLB team. Scott Servais has never managed an MLB team before. Yet the M's decided it was a good idea to hire this guy? Same old, same old.

Kyle Seager is officially all-bat, no glove.

Look at that box score. See that error column? Yes, you read that correctly. Kyle Seager committed an error, meaning he's now on pace for 162 for the year. That's completely unacceptable. Looks like K-SWAG spent too much time filming Mariners commercials and not enough time watching film of actual good baseball players.

I suppose his home run was nice, but if he's only hitting dingers now, sounds like he's actually just another one of those flashy players who can't perform in big situations. Way to go, K-SWAG.

I don't mean to be negative - just realistic. You'll thank me later in the year (probably mid-August or so) when we're 0-125, and I can tell you that I told you so!