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Jerry Dipoto kindly tells his ex off

Or, smiles when asked questions about Mike.

By David Skiba
Everything you own in a box to the left, asshole.
Everything you own in a box to the left, asshole.
Getty Images

Hello and welcome to baseball season. This is the part where we all tease each other with little pictures here and there, maybe the occasional video, a snippet about getting in shape, new motions and mechanics, and the occasional feather. We've waited months for this and finally the time has come. Grab a glass of wine, put on a little music. Just ease your mind and soul because that special time has finally come. Wait. Hold on, I'm in the wrong stack of papers.

Sorry, this is embarrassing really, just give me one second to find the right page here.

Ahhhhhggggg I can't fucking find it, what the hell. One minute here.

I swear my place is usually cleaner than this, it's in this drawer I promise.

HEEEEEEEERE IT IS and we're good.

Hello and welcome to baseball season where players player and managers manage and other people do the exact job their job title would indicate. What typically comes from getting a bunch of dudes together to play sports? Some good, ol-fashioned shit-talking through grinning smiles and whispered phrases that hang on your shoulder like a small, obnoxious bird. Jerry Dipoto, a sailor by all accounts of his job as a Seattle Mariner, was asked about his previous work in the evangelical business, or so I assume as this paper says he was an Angel?

Yep, I'm getting word back that he was an Angel.

Anyway, the line of questioning was asking Jerry something about the difference between a sailor and an angel and there is a joke in there but instead Jerry Dipoto took a shot at Mike Scioscia, his ex.

Yeah so we've all seen this before.

Person: "How's (name of person who is now an ex)?"

Other Person (smiling to fake positive emotion): "Well, you know fine. Like, we split up a few months back because things weren't working out. I mean, they're a fine person and I hope they do alright but. Alright. If I'm being fair and honest they're jack-shit insane and they wanted me to meet their grandparents like two-weeks into dating and that should have been the first weird signal but I ignored it because they were dressed in all red and I was like you know that's kinda hot.

But, get this. They never let me eat pho. Or like anything with noodles. Or if they didn't feel like eating sushi I wasn't even allowed to think about it. They made me wait to watch Chef's Table and then I came home and they watched like half the season without me. Then, and this was sorta the end for me, they started writing these weird Stone Temple Pilots quotations all over my slidedecks for work and I'd just be giving a presentation and half way through a blank screen would pop up and say 'Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin.' I'd just have to sit there and wonder like was it a threat? Or am I the weird one because all of a sudden I just want some pho."

...

What happens is, in this case, Mike Scioscia, a known crazy person, then hears about what Jerry said to their mutual friend group. Trying to hide the weird pho thing at the STP obsession, Mike has to combat these rumors-that-are-truths with something sane and humanizing like:

Because nothing's weird about Mike. Mike's fine.

Jerry just never wanted pho.

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