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Seattle Mariners Advent Calendar -- Day 17

This one time, Tom Wilhelmsen mowed down the Pittsburgh Pirates like he owned the whole freaking place.

Jose Rivera

On July 26, 2016, Tom Wilhelmsen pitched an inning of baseball that changed my internet baseball life forever. With the Mariners up 7-4, and runners on at first and third, Wilhelmsen came into the seventh inning and humiliated the heart of the Pittsburgh Pirates order.

The reason why this changed my internet life forever is because I was able to recap the game with this appropriate title:

Afterwards, I was able to live the dream of having strangers on the internet yell at you for being stupid.

This post isn’t just an excuse for me to relink that old article. It is an excuse to talk about the dream that was that inning of Wilhelmsen just burying fools left and right. Take a look at the pitch he sent Andrew McCutchen back to the dugout with. It is as if McCutchen had just learned that the curveball was a feasible option and had never seen anything but fastballs his entire life.

Wilhelmsen is a goof. We all love him because he used to be a bartender and then the Mariners came calling. He does his little bartender charades game in the bullpen, and he likes to dance.

When you look past that, and you look towards what he can do, Wilhelmsen was entertaining to watch. He has some stellar stuff, as Mariners fans got to watch in 2012 through 2016. He is an exciting pitcher when that stuff is working. Unfortunately, he has some less than stellar stuff as well, and that is why Wilhelmsen is no longer a Seattle Mariner.

But looking back on that July night, there are a lot of reasons I especially remember that inning. 1) I was on recap duty, which tends to me drinking more (for some reason). 2) It wasn’t just three outs needed, it was three outs needed against the heart of the order. 3) It wasn’t even close—Wilhelmsen slammed the door shut, in the seventh no less! 4) Tom Wilhelmsen is an awesome human being, and I wish him all the best.