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Notes From the Final Trust Circle of the First Annual Seattle Mariners Hitting Summit

After a long week of Controlling the Zone, Jerry Dipoto gathers his players together for a final debriefing.

Sweat Lodgin' With the Sweathogs
Sweat Lodgin' With the Sweathogs
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

JERRY DIPOTO: This has been a great week of work, everyone. I’m so pleased, super pleased with how this week has gone. Couldn’t have gone better. Funny thing when I got here this retreat center was a ragged tent filled with hobo skeletons and raw sewage and not the charming and cozy A-frame where we’ve been spending our evenings. Also let's give a big thank-you to Jacques, our Michelin 5-star chef who again when I got here was an ex-trucker named Tex with plaque psoriasis. Now, let’s close this hitting summit out with our final trust circle.  Mike, why don’t you start us off?

MZ: [sitting in front row with ten legal pads and two packs of pens] Okay, I am ready, I am ready to be a leader again. Been here since 4 AM, boss! Separation is in the preparation! Apparently that’s a thing people say on the internet, I don’t go there, the internet, there’s bad things there, should I be writing this down? How do you spell ‘separation’ again?

JD: Again, Mike. As I told you at the beginning of the week, you don’t have to take notes at our trust circles. [Mike looks in dismay at notes, which say CtZ over and over again] Okay, let’s move on. Chris Taylor, your thoughts.

CT: [looking around nervously] I’m here. I’m still here. That’s good, right? Jerry? I’m here, right? [Pinches arm]

JD: [smiling benevolently, like a distant saint] You sure are. You are here, and that’s all we can ask, and I’m definitely not looking at you and seeing your face morph into a hundred different ballplayers like that Michael Jackson video.  Okay, Jesus Montero, how was this week for you?

JM: This week was good? But I am not so sure why I am here with these guys? [jerks thumb at Boog Powell, Alex Jackson, DJ Peterson, Tyler O’Neill, etc] Last year I was leading the PCL in hits, runs, and RBIs and I was also an all-star? Also I am skinny now. So are you sure you did not mean to have the other Jesus? The one who cannot hit at all? Or perhaps Adam Lind, who cannot hit left-handed pitching, which I can do.

JD: [smiles ever-more-benevolently. The room temperature is raised by three degrees.] I recognize your point, Jesus, and I value you, and I think you have value. [Montero beams, his point forgotten.] Alex, DJ, Tyler? Care to weigh in? [All three look terrified, shake their heads 'no', visibly exhale when Jerry looks past them]. Boog, how was your week?

BP: My week was great! I’m so excited to be a Mariner! Also I got 87 kills on Call of Duty today! So you could say everything is coming up Boog! Hey is there any more bacon? I love bacon! I know that might be a controversial stance but that’s just Boog! Guys I had the best dream last night! Dreams are so weird don't you think? They're like little movies in your mind but like a crazy man is the director! Ha ha!

JM: I will pay you one hundred American dollars to stop talking now.

MZ: Oh my god is that what I sound like? You guys do I sound like that? Because sometimes I can talk really quickly and say a lot of stuff just because I have a lot to say, you know, and it all comes out pretty quickly like this which and…[deep breath] No Mike, you can’t think like that, positive thoughts only Mike, you speak your own reality, refocus the strike zone, you can do this…

JD: Very good. Remember, there is beauty in the…

[Everyone, mumbling]: Imperfect player.

JD: That’s right. That's so right. Now everyone, get out there and Control…

[Everyone, except Chris Taylor]: The zone!

CT: Wait what? We say that now?