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Fond Memories of Carlos Silva

Or, one man's attempt to keep a smile on his face.

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Carlos Silva was a bad pitcher. Let's get that out of the way up front. His contract epitomized the Bill Bavasi era, as well as the sadness he provoked once every five days.

Not everything about Silva's reign of terror was bad, though. The world isn't black and white. While we wait for the 2016 season to get underway, it's important to remember the good times, because hopefully the next calendar year will give us plenty more to replace these forced ones.

Behold:

  • It took two years, but Silva eventually resulted in the acquisition of Milton Bradley in a "my junk for your junk" deal. Much like Silva, Bradley wasn't good in Seattle, and is a horrible human being as it is, but it was great fun to imagine Eric Wedge and him reuniting and spending many hours together in a small, subterranean space.

  • Fun fact: Carlos Silva never made an appearance as a Mariner in which he did not allow a run. Even in his two relief appearances back in 2009, Silva let a runner pass go, but he was the one collecting $200 dollars. This is a fond memory only because it cements the fact that we know all too well: Carlos Silva was a big ole turd personified; that, and it's moderately improbable that even a bad pitcher can make 34 appearances without blanking an opponent, even if it's just for an inning.

  • Carlos Silva is an anagram for Orcas Villas, which is fitting, since he may be related to some of those large majestic creatures. His name is also an anagram for Call Saviors, of which he is not.

  • At one point during the 2009 season, the present author openly routed for Carlos Silva to enter the game in extra innings, because it was hot out and his porcelain skin was roasting like a goddamn marshmallow. This is the only known time a Mariner fan has requested the presence of Mr. Silva. Fortunately Bill Hall ended the game shortly thereafter with a homer over the left field wall.

  • Last, but certainly not least, the bespectacled gentleman turning pixels into nostalgia had a chance to see Carlos Silva up close and personal during the right-hander's lone start as a member of the Tacoma Rainiers. Sitting just a few rows behind directly behind home plate, one could see the majesty that could have been Silva's career. His sinker was darting over the plate, pounding the outside corner with authority. Comparing Silva to Brandon Webb or Greg Maddux is exceedingly dumb, but in that moment, they were one and the same. Silva struck out two of the four batters he faced on that day, in what turned out to be his last start as a member of the Mariners organization.
This concludes our exercise in futility. Go out there and look on the bright side -- but not outside, because the sun is dangerous and our enemy, for one day it shall consume us all.