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Extra Innings, Mariners do not team up for aesthetically pleasing baseball in Colorado.

The Mariners lost to the Rockies on Wednesday, 7-5.

Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

Well, ok, so look what we had here was a real stupid baseball game in which the Mariners lost, and I have to admit that, well, of course. I mean, what, you expected Taijuan Walker to be rewarded for a performance that saw him lob 101 baseballs up to Colorado hitters and only walk away with five hits and three runs? Ha!

I mean, if we're gonna cut right to the chase we'll pretend that Taijuan woke up this morning, drank an, I don't know, orange julius or something, read Colin's piece on his curveball, and then thought ha, nah, I'll go back to throwing all fastballs, thank you very much. He did this, but threw a few curves now and then, and mostly watched as batters turned over and balls were thankfully kept in the yard there in the stadium that holds a giant magnet just outside the centerfield wall. It is here where I would love to show you perhaps an at-bat against one of the Colorado hitters he faced, but Gameday has decided to lock me out of classic view, or at the very least, has bugged out so much that I can only see this screenshot of Michael McKenry's walk-off home run in the 11th, no matter what at bat I select throughout the game.

walk off

And so it goes, dear Mariners fan. Turn your head towards the light. Remember the fireflies. Smell the chamomile brewing. Sit under the shadow of a death you cannot escape. And so it goes.

It was, until the middle of the game, pretty lackluster. The first few innings passed mostly without note until Rockies' starter Chris Rusin ran into a bit of trouble in the fourth, watching as Nelson Cruz and Robinson Cano teamed up for a two-fer and a one-fer to put the M's on the board, with a single run. Quickly, Franklin Gutierrez sent Cano to second with a single, and Jackson put him in with a single of his own. 2-0 M's, no outs.

Of course, Mark Trumbo and Mike Zunino then quickly netted the Mariners two outs, which would have been an insane thing to say in 2012, but here we are. And then, up to the plate walked the Fresh Prince himself, to the tune of the Fresh Prince, with the hopes that he could swing that fresh bat of his to actually do something beyond touch a bunch of air. Dave Sims quickly commented that Taijuan was due, and saw the fire burning in the kid's eyes, and predicted he would rip something down the line on the first pitch he saw. What happened next was not creepy, no, not one bit.

This was Taijuan's first career hit and first career RBI, and for a hot minute, it was the damned coolest thing that had happened to this godforsaken baseball team in quite some time. It was 3-0 Mariners, and then suddenly it was 3-3 a few moments later.

By the sixth, Taijuan's curve was either hanging or skirting the outsides of the zone, and he was running into a bit of trouble. He was still comfortably sitting at 94, but after a leadoff double to Drew Stubbs and then two quick outs, it was time for the Danger Zone, which is not even Kenny Loggins' best song, goddammit. There was a walk to Nolan Arenado. There was a dinger to Carlos Gonzalez. Then another walk. The game was tied, and it felt just like any other game you had been watching this season, as hope gave way to a visceral car accident, and then the cops at your door asking why you let this happen in the first place, you monster. But then, Guti.

Franklin Gutierrez has already saved this teams' ass before this season, with a recent walk-off dinger that may go down as his career moment either before or after the other game saving dinger from nearly a lifetime ago. Today he walloped a two-run blast in the sixth that put the M's back up two, and if there is anything we can salvage from all this, its that our guy is still out there, doing his thing, and he doesn't even have to play fun games like hiding in the woods as Bigfoot or something.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh go to heck, boss, except, well, you're the boss so maybe kindly go to heck, thank you very much.

Then Rodney came in and walked the world, and you don't need any more analysis of that because you know exactly what happened.

I mean, I remember that game. That game ended the season. In May. That game gave way to Tom's killer curve and Munenori Kawasaki and trading Ichiro for Danny Farquhar and eventually signing Robinson Cano. And today, instead, what we got was just another fucking Fernando Rodney special, and then the Mariners tried to put together a rally and then this happened:

This was mostly bad because it should have obviously been a ball, but obviously, the Mariners should not have been in this position in the first place. Then again, as we remember Taijuan's hit up there, we should recall that the batboy touched it before it bounced into the outfield, holding Trumbo at third for what could have been the game saving run.

And there we have the 2015 Seattle Mariners. Not only are the wins within the margin of error, but even the damn losses are. When you look at a big ol' pile of steaming shit, you can't just cast it all off and hope for Next Season, because they always, always had the chance to take the W home, somehow.

And until then, we get to tide ourselves over with regret, and longing, and the hope that the next time we see that Welcome Back Baseball video with Dave's voice we will feel like we are ready for it again. Because between now and then, what we actually have are...well...just read it yourself.