Lookout Landing steps up to the plate

"Wait, do you know all the words to this song?" This past Sunday, as Kyle Seager came up to the plate for his first at bat, my mom raised a concerned eyebrow as I belted out 15 seconds of "Runnin' Outta Moonlight." (Most of the staff is hilariously wrong about the lyrics of "Runnin' Outta Moonlight." Anders is confident the only words are "WHOA OH OHHHHH." Colin thinks Kyle wants to take you on a bike ride. David thinks we'll settle down, sippin' on Mai Tais. Kyle would be pretty disappointed.)

Walk-up songs can be rousing. They can strike fear into an opposing pitcher. Sometimes they can force you to seriously question the judgment of the player involved (I'm looking at you, shocking number of grown men invoking Limp Bizkit before their at bats). A good walk-up song can set the stage for a walk off home run, or make a bases loaded two outs K seem inevitable in hindsight. If you're anything like me, they'll inspire you to sing along, out loud, in front of strangers at Safeco. (Editor's Note: We've informed Meg that this behavior is deeply weird. Her response: "As LoMo would say 'I give 'em that diddy bop, like take that, take that, take that, take that.'" We're pretty worried about Meg.)

As we dodge Todd Frazier bombs, and await the triumphs of Nelson Cruz and Felix Hernandez in tonight's All-Star Game, some of the Lookout staff got to thinking: If you were a major league ball player, what would your walk-up song be?

MLB rules mandate that walk-up songs not exceed 15 seconds, so we've indicated where in the song we'd like our jams to start playing.

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Jake: "The Muppet Show Theme" by The Muppets

I'd like to think that if I were a major league baseball player, I'd be a speedy slap-hitter who batted leadoff. What better way to start off the game than with this ridiculous song. Of course it becomes a joke in every other at-bat afterwards—I'm not getting anything started when there are two outs in the bottom of the 6th with a runner on first. I also like to think that it's a meta-commentary on the state of the 2015 Mariners who are all a bunch of muppets. That's the way I like my walk-up songs: firmly tongue-in-cheek.

Matt: "To Awake and Avenge the Dead" by Thrice

Before I wrote about baseball on the internet I played music in a silly band, and this record is what made me want to play guitar in the first place. As my walk up song, the end of this would a) pump up the crowd enough for me to let them down with three swinging strikes a moment later and b) be stuck in my head to make me feel better about being flipped off by 40,000 people at once.

Andrew: "Fake Empire" by The National

I generally appreciate walk-up songs that are mostly instrumental and this definitely fits the bill. It's pretty and it builds and because The National is my favorite band I would definitely "get pumped" listening to that piano+drum combo as I stepped into the box. Also, the fact that the lyrics are "Turn the light out, say goodnight" right as the 15-second clip ends could be indicative of the fact that I'm about to mash a walk-off home run! Or strike out miserably. Whichever!

Logan: "It's OK To Not Like Things"

Let's face it: if I were called up to play in the major leagues today, I'd be the worst player in the history of the game. The fans would all hate me - and with good reason! I'd be terrible! But while it's OK to not like terrible baseball players (hello, Jesus Sucre), you shouldn't be a jerk about it. Given a choice of walk-up song, I'd use my precious fifteen seconds to remind fans to please not throw shit at me from the stands. I get enough of that from opposing pitchers, thank you very much.

Anders: "Follow Me" by Hardwell (feat. Jason Derulo)

This song combines one of my favorite producers (Hardwell) with one of my favorite vocalists (Derulo). I want something that's going to make me feel pumped when I'm at the plate, and as a lover of electronic music the choice was pretty simple. I also feel like the lyrics have some meaning in the baseball universe: "If I go will you follow me?" = If I get on base, will you follow it up with a not-out? (OK, maybe a bit of a stretch but shhhh.)

Colin: "Gotta Have It" by Kanye West and Jay Z

I hate Watch The Throne but this is vintage Kanye production/sampling on a Jay verse. It's over-the-top and the lyrics, when played in the context of walking to the plate for a high-leverage AB, go from way-too-overt to borderline inappropriate —but that's what I'm going with.

Meg: "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra

Am I the first woman in the majors in this scenario? Am I a plucky shortstop? Am I late reliever out of the pen? What year is it? Have Kyle and I developed a funny infield routine between at bats? The crushing weight of being the first woman to select a walk up song in the majors is almost too much to bear, but that's why I'd go with Nancy. Because whether I'm legging a double out of a single or literally drawing a walk, one of these days these boots cleats are gonna walk all over you. One of these days. I can almost see the dance at first base.

David: " Devil In A New Dress" by Kanye West

I hope you know how hard it is to dance in cleats. When I'm walking up to the plate on a sunny night at Safeco Field, I need to really feel like I'm in my groove. This song has the strings, the beat, and the beautiful vocals needed so that the pine-tar sticks just right to my bare hands. That's right, no gloves. Have you said a word, have you said a word to me this evening? Opposite field double. Cat gotcha tongue? (Note: This would have been Kiss by Prince but his music remains foreign to YouTube's lands.)

Peter: "Raining Blood" by Slayer

I'm approaching this as if I were a professional major league baseball player, which would mean that I am tall, skinny, and easily overpowered by this pitch. As such, my only hope for getting on base is to strike fear into the heart of the opposing pitcher and hope his command wavers -- not fear of skill, but fear of insanity. "Raining Blood" is the perfect accompaniment for me to literally sprint into the batter's box, pound the plate with my bat ferociously, and await my pitch (preferably all while doused in cow blood).

Eric: "So What'cha Want" by the Beastie Boys

What do I want? So nice of you to ask, pitcher. How about four straight balls. No? Then perhaps I could do with an 85-mph fastball right down Main Street. What I also want is a big stompin' beat from my youth so when I bang the donut from my bat, I forget the osteoarthritis, tendinitis, and the variety of other issues that would have their claws in me by the second week of the season. Yeah, you can't front on that.

Michael: "Kalopsia" by Queens of the Stone Age

I'm approaching this as a lifelong Mariners fan who actually predates expansion, so I even know who Danny Meyer is and watched Gaylord Perry before he was 350 lbs. Kalopsia: "The delusion of things being more beautiful than they are." Do I have to say anything else?

Patrick: "Dies Irae" by Mozart

In a perfect world, I would have selected the RBI Baseball theme music, but that jerk Chris Getz already did it a couple of years ago. So instead we'll go with the intimidation route and remind the pitcher (if he knows Latin) that the Day of Wrath is upon him.

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So what is your (quasi-reasonable) walk-up jam? Tell us in the comments below. Enjoy the All-Star Game. And as always, GoMs.