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First half in review: Mariners as Kanye West songs

Baby, I got a plan. Run away as fast as you can.

By David Skiba
IS THAT SETH SMITH ROUNDING FIRST?!
IS THAT SETH SMITH ROUNDING FIRST?!
Christopher Polk/Getty Images

The music of Kanye West is polarizing, often over-looked, and sometimes even discarded due to his larger-than-life personality.  However, it is undeniably amazing.  Just as the 2015 Seattle Mariners are on the surface quite disappointing as of now, this team ultimately is comprised of high-level athletes that perform a task none of us would find ourselves so capable of achieving.

Joe Beimel- "The New Workout Plan"- Have you looked at this guy's forearms, lately?

Danny Farquhar- "Gone"- As I'm writing this he is literally not on the team anymore and no corresponding move has occurred.

Felix Hernandez- "Amazing"- Like, don't change, man.  Or leave us, ever.

Hisashi Iwakuma- "Say You Will"- Be like you were your All-Star season.

Mark Lowe- "Stronger"- Definitely on "Mean Joe" Joe Biemel's forearm workout plan.

Mike Montgomery- "We Don't Care"- A former top prospect who is shrugging off the haters to fulfill his destiny: having countless good outings wherein his team will not back him with runs.

Vidal Nuno- "Lil Jimmy (skit)"- Remnant of a by-gone era where hip-hop/rap albums included "skits", I have never listened to this, so, I don't know.  Maybe it's good and at least it's a decent nickname.

Fernando Rodney- "See You In My Nightmares"

David Rollins- "Paranoid"- If he wasn't Rule 5 he'd be looking over the shoulder.  Still is, I'd bet.

Carson Smith- "Devil In A New Dress"- My favorite song.  And an apt name for his slider.

Taijuan Walker- "School Spirit"- Told them I finished school and started my own business/ They say, "Oh, you graduated?" No, I decided I was finished.

Jesus Sucre- "Blame Game"- It's not your fault.  But, damn, man.

Mike Zunino- "Lost In the World"- Where are you?  The fastballs are over here.

Robinson Cano- "Late"- As in, "Hey, dog, I hope you were just late this year because we really need you to be here."

Brad Miller- "To The World"- The whole world is a couch, I'm Rick James tonight.

Jesus Montero- "Jesus Walks"- I'm hoping so, at least.

Logan Morrison- "Hold My Liquor"- Who else is as likely to be there with you at last call, vodka-Red Bull in hand.

Kyle Seager- "Everything I Am"- He means the world to me.

Chris Taylor- "Mercy"- Seriously, can we help this guy out?

Dustin Ackley- "Can't Tell Me Nothing" -This man will not shave that beard.  I'm sure he's been told enough times by now.

Nelson Cruz- "Slow Jamz"- While "slow" is not typically in the title of a song that you'd want associated with your starting right fiel..hey this shit is amazing!

Franklin Gutierrez- "Gorgeous"- Fashions fade but style remains eternal.

Austin Jackson- "RoboCop"- He just seems like he could probably make his way in to a sequel.

Mark Trumbo- "Power"- I mean, what else does he got?

Seth Smith- "All Falls Down"- I just love this song and there's really no reason for it except it means everything to me.

Willie Bloomquist- "Never Let Me Down"- You are beautiful.  Be free.

Welington Castillo- "Runaway"- I mean, we barely got to know you.

Mayckol Guaipe- "Only One"- How many appearances does that one guy have?

Roenis Elias- "Barry Bonds"- Because he would have hit a lot of home runs off this guy, AMIRIGHT?!

Charlie Furbush- "Flashing Lights"- Probably saw the Aurora Borealis in Maine.

JAYAY Happ- "Bound 2"- Leave you always kinda satisfied but kinda wanting more.

James Paxton- "Heartless"- Would it kill the guy to smile?

Tom Wilhelmsen - "Hell of a Life"- Maybe tendin' bar wasn't such a bad plan, you rascal, you.

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WRAPPING IT UP HERE:

Someday.

goms.

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