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Safeco Missed Connections: Brad Miller Jersey Girl

When I met you in the summer.

Where did she go?
Where did she go?
Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

Please play this while I recant the error of our missed connection:

We were both standing on the porch of the Pen.  I was surrounded by two sporty gentlemen who looked like bloggers, one on his phone the entire game, the other would eventually befriend Nick Collison's brother.  We were all having just a great time.  I don't know why I said that; I'm a little nervous that you're actually there, reading this.  You were wearing a Brad Miller jersey, blonde, and wore an old outfielder's mitt on your left hand.  You carried with you the same nonchalance that a cheetah does while picking the wildebeest it will inevitably escort towards its mortality.

While the Royals took BP you stood along the rail, and the three of us were at a table behind you.  Maybe you remember the grown man absolutely obliterating an eight year-old child in order to get his third BP ball of the afternoon right next to our table?  If we met that could be our first inside joke!  Why do they want a baseball badly enough to injure and scar a young child?  Maybe we could figure that out.  Jason Vargas threw a ball in to the Pen and grown men lost their minds.  A ball bounced here, a ball bounced there.  Under some circumstances the way we met could be considered quite dangerous!  But you let your Miller jersey sway in the wind, unaffected by the situation around us.

I'll admit it, I was nervous.  Musclebound men jostled and fell around us like so many dominoes on the table of our future, leased catamaran.  I can't afford to buy, sorry.  Anyway, you weren't nervous.  And of course you weren't.  You were the beautiful ray of sunshine in a Brad Miller jersey.  There is nothing on your mind but the best shortstop in the American League, stirrup socks, and maybe just how much pine tar you need on your hands to grip a bat with that hard, looping swing.  What leads a man to grow out his mane only to just chop it off before we get the true chance to embrace it?  We all wonder it.  How does Brad do it?  But, I bet you know.  Of course you know. And I'd be so happy if you'd tell me how he does.

Anyway, I was thinking maybe we should catch a game together in the Pen next time.  I've always felt like it's a great angle to watch Brad wildly throw to first, or excitingly turn a double play.  The Mariners might even win the game!  We could maybe even grab our own BP ball!  But I can't promise that.  I can't promise anything except that, I don't know, I'd love to play some catch with you.  See you around, I hope.