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Ineptitude-off in Baltimore as the Mariners fall to Orioles, 4-5.

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The Orioles beat the Mariners and it was not pretty.

Rob Carr/Getty Images

It's difficult to know where to start with this one, to tell you the truth. I mean, today's baseball game between the Mariners and the Orioles had, without exaggerating, almost everything you could possibly have in a single game, save for bees and people trying to touch Adrian Beltre's head. Don't believe me? Let's see here oh we had a

  • Player making debut with new team.
  • A first-inning grand slam.
  • There was a two-and a half hour rain delay.
  • Why not a pinch-hit comeback from the losing team.
  • There were some stolen bases, and of course, TOOTBLANs.
  • We had a terrible zone called by a AAA umpire.
  • Which led to repeated and sustained pushback from the Orioles dugout and players in protest.
  • Don't forget a knee-jerk ejection of Kyle Seager for correctly assuming strike three was actually ball four.
  • Ah, WFB.
  • And WFB popping out on the first pitch with the bases loaded down a run with no outs.
  • For a change of pace, we also saw Logan Morrison tie the game by letting O's reliever Darren O'Day walk in a run with the bases loaded!
  • There was your daily 2-4-3 strikeout.
  • Oh, and of course, WFB up to bat with the bases loaded AGAIN, and well...look at the headline. You can just close out of this tab by now if you're not feeling too well, I wouldn't blame you.
The emotional trajectory of this game remained locked in what can only be described as a state of helplessness, with the only variable being whatever malady was currently responsible for exerting its will on you. At first, it was the grand slam given up by J.A. Happ in the bottom of the first inning, which came on two outs after Manny Machado, Delmon Young, and Chris Davis reached base with two singles and a walk respectively.

Then, the bastard was the rain. This was, in a way, not the worst thing that could have happened--considering it was still the third inning on the last day of the series, there was still a possibility that maybe, just maybe, fate could provide a way out of this madness by involving a calendar and reinforcements. Of course, then we all sat around on our hands for two hours while the weather held everyone and everything captive, and we were helpless yet again while said fate--which was written in permanent ink, mind you--was just delayed while the DVR reset itself, pushing back all the scheduled programs back a bit.

Then the culprit was home plate umpire John Tumpane. See, the problem was that the Mariners actually started to string together hits like a competent baseball team in the fourth, starting out the inning now facing Baltimore reliever Brian Matsuz and putting up back-to-back singles from Kyle Seager and new Mariner Welington Castillo, followed by an unlikely walk by Chris Taylor, and an incredible nine-thousand pitch at-bat from Rickie Weeks that ended in a rocket up the middle of the infield to bring the Mariners within a run.

What would Tumpane decide to do? Oh, I don't know. Just take a look at this:

zonevL

zonevR

So by the time Kyle Seager worked a full count with Cano on first, it wasn't the Mariners you wanted to sack. It was Tumpane, AAA callup umpire and hot trigger aficionado who must have gotten some kick out of watching Bryce Harper get thrown out yesterday because he decided to pull the same move on Kyle Seager after a clear ball four was called for strike three.

Yes, Kyle Seager, tossed from the game because of unprofessional behavior. Whether you think Harper deserved it or not, let's rightfully point out the fact that our 22-year old friend once shaved his head into a hipster mohawk and painted batman wings into his eyeblack before appearing in that gatorade commercial where his face turns into--literally--a screaming baseball. Cole Hamels also threw a 93 mph fastball directly into his spine the first time he set eyes on him, and then admitted it was intentional after the game because Harper pissed him off so much. And how did Harper respond? By stealing home without orders just to get a Fuck You in. I'm not saying he's an asshole, I'm saying you can at least see why the umpire wanted to flex his muscles. I think Kyle Seager may have kicked a little dirt in frustration once.

Now the fun part of all of this is that the ejection was clearly a load of crap--but it may have actually been a blessing disguise. I say this because the Seattle Mariners ended up losing this here baseball game in part specifically because of Seager's ejection. I mean, hell, I don't want to absolve everyone of their responsibilities--they ended up leaving thirteen runners stranded, and went 3-15 with runners in scoring position. Like a limp and soggy rag doused in pizza grease.

But the reality of the matter is that with Seager's ejection, and with the Mariners roster currently set as it was (and, sure, Lloyd had to sub out righties and lefties after the rain delay changed the handedness of the O's starter), the only option off the bench was to put in Willie Fucking Bloomquist to roam the hot corner. This isn't Seager's fault. This isn't Lloyd's fault. This is the fault of the roster--specifically the 25th spot on the roster--and although a few of us have been pitchforking for his removal for quite some time, it's never going to be any clearer to the Mariners brass than it was today.

And this, despite the painful loss and near four-hour running time that probably drained all the moisture from your eyeballs, is a good thing. Because the Mariners ended up putting many men on base--all of 'em, in fact--before Willie Bloomquist's spot in the order. Twice.

First it was in the seventh, as Willie stood off to face O's reliever Darren O'Day with the bases juiced and no outs. He promptly swung at the very first pitch he saw as if he was still a twenty-something toolsy BABIP manipulator and not, you know, Willie Bloomquist. He promptly popped out and while the Mariners ended up tying the game with LoMo's aforementioned walk, it would have been Seager--or anyone else--at the dish in any other situation. And then a replay again in the eighth with the M's down a run, with a slow grounder rolled over from nearly forty year old arms trying to match the bat speed they remember only in dreams. And that was all she wrote.

So yes, look, the game was an empty trash bag floating in the wind. The Mariners had many opportunities to pull it off, and the eventual loss shouldn't be pinned entirely on Willie's head: Robinson Cano is still striking out like his life depended on it. RISP still haunts like a demon. Rickie Weeks may actually have just found a new career as a professional pinch hitter, but he's pinch hitting not only for platoons but also because the Mariners are bad.

And yet if we get nothing else from this day we should realize that the Universe just handed the Mariners irrefutable evidence that carrying Willie Bloomquist on the roster of a team with playoff hopes is not only a mistake--it's utterly inept and foolish. This is no longer the word of angry bloggers and number-crunching stat nerds on the internet with their computer fonts and their defensive metrics. It is now patently obvious, and worth one in the 'L' column.

You can choose to feel however you want to about today, that's your prerogative. But if Willie Bloomquist is still on this roster when Jackson returns from the DL, you'll actually have an excuse to burn the bridge down. For now, we wait.