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5/20: Open game thread

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Roenis Elias, Nelson Cruz, and a ziploc bag filled with broken toothbrushes take on the Baltimore Orioles at 4:05 PM.

when bae points out ur career-high k rate of 17.1%
when bae points out ur career-high k rate of 17.1%
Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

You know, you really have to give them a little credit. They are sitting like, I don't know, ten games under preseason expectations, their quarter-of-a-billion-dollar second baseman is currently doing everything worse than Endy Chavez could, and nobody outside Seth Smith and Nelson Cruz seem to be performing anywhere near what they are capable of. And rather than throwing in the towel and sneaking in a few beers to a matinee of MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, the Mariners are going to all report to the same underground room to put on matching pajamas so they can hit a ball around with a chunk of a tree for a few hours. I'd be in the movie.

Still, it's not entirely bad news. This afternoon's game will give us some hopefully wonderful innings out of Roenis Elias, who started the year in AAA because the Mariners were unaware that Taijuan Walker is currently towards the end of a performance art piece in which he performs the role of Charlie in Flowers for Algernon but with pitching instead of book learnin'. What, that's not good news? Well fine--the Mariners just reinstated LHP Edgar Olmos from the DL and sent him straight to Tacoma, where he will report with new minor league signee Kevin Gregg, that guy who wears the scientist glasses that once got in a fist fight with David Ortiz. Who knows if he can still pitch worth a damn, but if you've punched David Ortiz and lived to see another day, you should get a guaranteed contract every year for the rest of your life.

Game starts at 4:05 PM and if you wanted me to actually say something about this lineup, then I'm sorry to say that I am not going to do that. At this point its less about what makes sense than it is simply trying to a) survive, and then b) not carve out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon.

goms, please. please.

Game info

  • Mariners @ Orioles, 4:05 PM PST
  • TV: ROOT, Radio: 710 ESPN, Online: mlb.tv

Today's Lineups

SEATTLE MARINERS BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Rickie Weeks - DH Manny Machado - 3B
Willie Bloomquist - LF Jimmy Paredes - DH
Robinson Cano - 2B Adam Jones - CF
Nelson Cruz - RF Delmon Young - RF
Kyle Seager - 3B Chris Davis - 1B
Justin Ruggiano - CF Steve Pearce - LF
Logan Morrison - 1B J.J. Hardy - SS
Mike Zunino - C Caleb Joseph - C
Chris Taylor - SS Reynaldo Navarro - 2B
Roenis Elias - LHP Wei-Yin Chen - LHP